You know you're old when...

(this is old but I thought it's funny anyway - wonder how many I can drum up)

1. 7 eleven workers call you Uncle
2. the white haired tea lady on your floor in the office asks: "Uncle, jiak par buay?"
3. the Cold Storage auntie says: "Uncle, we are closing in 10 mins"
4. you get used to people calling you "Sir"
5. shopkeepers assume you're married with kids
6. you spend 2 evenings in a 4-day workweek sipping martinis at Morton's and munching on steak sandwiches
7. your favourite beverage is now beer instead of soft drinks
8. You would rather go hungry than eat McDonald's
9. You start noticing wrinkles on your hands
10. You carol for 4 hours and feel bushed and beat and knackered after that and want to go home and sleep.
11. you'd rather be at home sleeping and watching the TV than be out at Suntec City jostling the crowds.
12. for a new year's eve celebration, you suggest a quiet gathering at someone's house for dinner and just to hang around and catch up after that, while the host suggests that you bring alcohol meaning wine....oh....the sophistication of it all....
13. you've stopped playing computer games and you have an attention span of 10 minutes.

Sense of Achievement

Today I got to correct an overseas person doing the stuff I do (I don't want to mention what I do - private) for the past donkey years (since before I was born). That's SUPER SENIOR compared to my measly 6 months. After my e-mail responding to his comments to our documents (which I did WITHOUT my boss being around), the fella responded to my boss asking us to disregard all his comments and apologizing for the inconvenience.

Talk about job satisfaction - I love being clever and right and other ppl being not so clever and wrong. Makes my cold heart all tingly....

I think I'm turning Singaporean. This is disgusting. I must go detox by spending a week in Malaysia.

And now after my brief adrenaline rush that made me wanna work another couple of hours I am going to go home to sleep before turning up for work tomorrow to deal with some Greek ppl.

This is fun!

Christmas Part 2

This morning my alarm clock rang and I woke up wondering whether it was Sunday or Monday. "Shit", I sighed, on realising that it was Monday. A word of advice. Drinking alcohol and then passing out does not make for a restful sleep. Did that on Friday and then did that on Sunday. Thank god for the coffee machine in the office upstairs.

Anyhows, such is my dedication to blogging that I have decided to forego my Monday lunch to blog about my Christmas weekend instead.

Presents and cards
First off - presents and cards. Got like presents and cards from lotsa ppl. 2 people gave me cards that said "Have a Very Beery Christmas!" - those exact same words! I am now stereotyped as a drunken beer-bellied tenor. This is bad. But I guess with a blogger title like mine, I'm really asking for it. Let me thank everyone for presents and cards: S C aka Mrs. Wong, DY/Mike aka Kimchi-boy, JH aka I-love-to-conduct-please-give-me-more, YK-aka-I-have-a-Sony-F828, Fatso Lim (& gang), Skunk and Wayne. Loved all of them.

Fatso Lim got me a DVD called "I am Sam". For the record, my name is NOT Sam. I don't know why people INSIST on calling me Sam. I've also watched the show before. It's about a mentally retarded man. Is Fatso implying something...hmm.....For the record, I am also...ahem...ahem....a freaking genius according to the records of Mensa (Have I also mentioned that another endearing quality of mine is how incredibly modest I am?). Although having graduated from the "18th best university in the world" I now feel that my brain cells have deteriorated in no small part due to my fantastic education at yonder fantastic university and I am now very dumb. A recent online test rated my IQ at 20% lower than when I was 17. At this rate by the time I'm 45, my brain would have deteriorated to become pea sized with only 3 centres of thought:

1. I need beer.
2. I need Penang Char Kuay Teow
3. I need sex.

Christmas Carolling
I had a GRRRREAT and enjoyable time carolling. Although at first I couldn't memorize my scores - by yesterday I was sprouting words and notes on automatic mode except for a few songs notably In Dulci Jubilo whereby because my clever president started singing wrong words I also started singing wrong words for 3 seconds until we realised that the front row was singing a completely different set of words whereby we shut up for a further 2 seconds before continuing.

Winter Wonderland and It's Christmas Time was also spent mumbling through half my words. I kept singing "Walking on the Winter Wonderland". Which I'm sure is the grammatically CORRECT version. Since when does one ever walk IN something. That's surely quite stupid as you would be slowed down by frictional forces of the medium in which you are walking. Dumbass composers...

Whereas for It's Christmas Time I invented a new and harmonised ending on the spot. Never mind that my president on my left gave me a glare - it was too late to change.

Giggly and skinny alto was on my right giggling away and making snide comments as usual. Such unprofessionalism....pfft...

Anyhows, carolling reminded me of our time in Germany when we strolled about together from competition venue to competition venue. Ahhh...nostalgia....

I also had my virginal experience carolling at Raffles Hotel on Christmas Day. Wooo that was fun. By the time I had finished Raffles Hotel I was totally knackered (that's my new word of the month - knackered), having carolled for 4 hours.

By Sunday morning I was squeaking away (I am STILL squeaking away).

Parties Galore
Christmas of course would not be complete without parties / gatherings galore of which I attended 3. Am I hip and happening or what? (ok please don't answer that)

Very fun to meet up and be silly with lots of people some of whom I haven't seen in a year or more. Different groups of people catering to different tastes. With VC it's be silly and stuff your face silly on Red Rubies and Banana Fritters from Thai Express. Those monsters can REALLY EAT. With ex-uni-Choir friends it's intellectual conversations reflecting our standing as the 18th best university in the world, most of which is spent condemning the university MUAHHAHAHHAA. Oh yeah, and of course we catch up on what we've been up to. One of them went off to medical school in Canada so we get snippets about life in Montreal. He claims he's holed up in his room throughout winter mugging. Another one usually regales us with tales of her lesbian friends or her "active" friends. This year there were no new tales unfortunately. So boring. Can you please meet up with more lesbians? We spent our time at her house stuffing our face with turkey (which was good), ham and alcohol. And then I semi-passed out in the room while bashing on the keyboard of her IBM notebook which she claims to be extremely durable, although she refused to let me stand/jump on the notebook...pfft....durable my foot.

Miscellaneous 1
As we go into the new year, I have several resolutions, none of which I will probably keep for a period of any longer than 1 month except for those involving food and beer:

1. I am supposed to exercise
2. Meet more new friends
3. Meet up with old friends
4. Improve my singing and self confidence
5. Expand my social life
6. Discover more eateries and beerhouses/pubs
7. Try more new forms of beer
8. Give my vampiric friends a treat. I promised to take Fatso Lim to Brewerkz. Maybe we could do that this week. I need to be REMINDED via SMS...
9. Learn German

Miscellaneous 2
With each new project undertaken by the choir, I see the composition of the group changing. I have grown quite attached to the Germany group, and it's quite sad to see many members leaving for the upcoming projects. Some are going on further studies, and others are just tired and want a break. From my experience, once they have left, they rarely come back, and so I take this opportunity to wish them the best in upcoming endeavours and please come back.

By the time I'm done blogging there'll be nothing left of the working morning either.

By the time everyone's done giving Christmas gifts, the half day will be over.

Oh crap...now a 3rd person has bought me a present. I didn't know I was so popular.

Christmas

It's Christmas eve and I have presents from 2 people which I haven't bought presents for. This is bad. I feel embarrassed and hate Christmas now.

(Sung to the tune of Silent Night)

Silent Office, Quiet Office,
All is calm, all is bright,
Round yon office nothing astirs,
Quiet office I don't wanna work,
Slack away in the office,
Slacking away-ay at work.

Reflections

Yesterday was an early day as I left office at 6.20 pm for carolling. After carolling I went with a couple of friends shopping for Christmas gifts whereupon I learnt the following things:

1. Female make-up accesssories are ridiculously overpriced. $118 for a bloody brush?!?!?!?!? It must be made from the pubic hair of the Yeti in some remote frozen wasteland of Mongolia therefore being rare and therefore being so bloody expensive. It looks like my poster colour brush in Secondary School.

2. When the waterbag breaks, it looks like you pissed all over the floor and then the baby is supposed to pop out asap or it'll become blue and brain damaged. Therefore all the movies which depict women's bags breaking in a cafe is all fake 'cos it doesn't happen in real life. They're supposed to be in the hospital near that time.

My secret pal is going to get lip gloss. I wanted to buy yellow lip gloss 'cos it looked funky but those stick in the muds of my friends thought pinkish was safer. So there we are. It looks like a bottle of nail polish to me.

After I went home I watched this stupid reality show called High School Reunion or something. I kinda identify with that geeky guy who's somewhat a loner lacking social skills. That's me. Around strangers I will shut up. Unless of course I'm roaring drunk in which case it's a completely different story. But that's not the real me.

Yesterday while I was at a client signing I dropped my phone (this old battered up Nokia 8250 which is working remarkably well) and then picked it up. Since it was so battered she remarked "it looks like it's been dropped many times" to which I managed a weak embarrassed smile: "heh...yeah....". I bet she wondered why I don't buy a new phone since we're all supposed to be rich. I happen to like my 8250 so there. It's still the best phone I've ever used. The only feature missing is the ability to delete all my messages at one go. It has the best alarm clock function. When it rings in the morning I grab it and push any button and it'll go on snooze. If I'm a little more awake I can even press a number button corresponding to the number of minutes that I want to snooze. Amazing technology. The newer Nokias don't seem to work as well.

It's Christmas time and I don't feel like working. My team is quite busy and errrr I've been rather slack lately. All of a sudden. I helpfully asked to help on a file today. So I have a new file. I need to exercise my brain.

I think I should get my self a Christmas present. Merry Christmas to me I say. Still considering which digicam to buy.

And I want to go on a holiday. But don't know who I can go with. And where.

Anxiety

It disturbs...no...frightens me that a few of my friends are getting married next year. It frightens me because it reminds me how fast time is passing and how fast we're all growing up. I don't want to grow up. I don't want the responsibilities that come with adulthood. I want to remain a child when all I have to worry about is my next exam and how to finish my computer game.

Sigh....

Oh, we got our bonus yesterday. Yippee. Not a big deal but money's always good.

Balls

On Saturday night my balls got squeezed by some singing friends. It is absolutely amazing how much they can stuff into those bottomless pits of theirs. Having had dinner at 6.30, they stuffed their faces again at 9.30...

I of course being the healthy eater that I am, refused to let the temptation pass mine lips.

Somehow near the end of the year I'm feeling very unmotivated (sp-demotivated?) to work. It's the spirit of Christmas calling. I should be lounging around on my fat ass eating turkey.

I still do not know what to buy mine boss for Christmas. I think I am going to get chocolates. Simple, short, painfree. Don't know what else to get. I really suck at buying presents. Attribute it to my upbringing - we were too poor to buy birthday presents. So it was already a huge plus to get a birthday cake for my birthday. Plus I never got smacked on my birthday so I could usually be as naughty as I wanted. And I used to get mee sua with an egg for breakfast. That's my birthday treat. Plus since my birthday is the same as my mom's, we never had to buy each other presents. My dad never wanted any presents. My brother and sister, also never got any presents. It never seemed like a big deal. I'm sure buying presents to celebrate occassions is not part of Asian culture. When did it become infused into our culture? It's strange and alien to me.

Having said that, I have yet to thank Dawn for buying my an iSock. It's cute as hell. My iPod, in a woolen knit sock with an Apple logo. My Christmas present in a sock. hahaha. cute. All presents should be functional like the sock.

Ok I had really better start doing real work instead of frowning at my desk at my screen while blogging and pretending to be deeply engaged in work.

I'm freezing

It's raining cats and dogs, and I'm freezing in the office. Not even my fats can protect me...

The Slave arriveth...

My boss' new trainee has come in today. I told my boss when I saw her come in: "your slave has arrived..." and she said: "You mean YOUR slave....no wonder you look so happy today..."

Hahahhahahha...ok it's not MY slave it's HER slave. She says I can chew him up if he makes mistakes. But of course I'm WAYYYYY too nice a guy to do such things RIGHT?????

I'm generally in a cheerful mood today even though we're STILL absolutely swamped by work from bankers all rushing to close deals by the end of the year in what I think is probably for bonus-related reasons. Annoyances at work....

Bonus is coming soon....

(sung to the tune of Caroller's medley)

Bonus is coming,
My wallet's getting fat,
Please put some dollars in my piggy bank,
If you haven't got some dollars then some pound sterling will do,
If you haven't got some pound sterling than God help you! God help you!

Of course, the person who stole my phone is going straight to Hell....but tt's another story.

Using back my old 8250 and actually it's a much better phone than the 6220. It works well as a basic phone, the response time is fast, screen clear, and ring tones can be heard a mile away on Loud mode. That's how a phone should be. None of those sissy hello kitty ringtones thank you very much.

I need beer.

I had "Thunder Tea Rice" for lunch. What a fancy name. The soup tastes a bit weird. But it's supposed to be good for health. I better start eating healthy stuff in anticipation of the pig out session I'm sure I'm going to have around Christmas. Oh then there's New Year after that...and then Chinese New Year.

My colleague suggested we ate KFC for lunch. I said "no!!!! I've been eating such rich stuff for the last few days I feel like I'm swimming in lard...". No response. Then change topic....Hmmmmmm.....

Venting my frustration

I am *this close* to screaming at my secretary right now.

If I have to look for another document again I am REALLY going to get pissed. What could POSSIBLY be so difficult about filing????? I did it for 6 months. Been there done that.

Man tits

Yesterday I just saw the most horrific sight while I was at McDonalds for dinner. Yes yes unhealthy blah blah blah I wanted a sundae. One of the counter persons had this set of tits that were just jiggling around. It was so gross that I'm going to have nightmares. When he bends down to get money from the cash machine, his tits would jiggle and move and they looked like 80-year old saggy tits. They were HUGE TITS. I think either:

1. he ate too much mcdonalds
2. his body fat percentage must be at least 60%

I'm going to have nightmares.

Jealous

This e-mail came from my sister yesterday:

"this is a photo of me eating in christchurch hall, the hall where harry
potter dining hall was filmed! they have fresh mustard which tasted
like wasabi, real fireplaces with real charcoal burning in them, and
oil paintings everywhere (as you can see). it's not as big as in the
film coz that was digitally enhanced, but the idea was the same..."

I'm extremely jealous now. When I think of *MY* old hall all I could think of was crap food, crap surroundings, hot as hell. Think I shall fly over to UK next year sometime and have a visit. Maybe when it's warmer.

Intransit bimbotically assumes that I love my iPod mini. It's not true. It's just functional. Fatso's right I think.....the capacity's too small....sobs....I shall have to give it away soon.....Maybe buy a bigger one. 40 Gb iPod???? no money. Who wants to buy me a Christmas present?