ROARRRRRRRR

And there he walks. With a spring in his step. "Why don't you come over to my apartment on Tuesday? I stay alone... {Twirls hair}

Sounds like a movie script doesn't it?

Feels good. ROARRRRRRRR

Signs read correctly. Well done me! Coffee, dinner, comedy club, invitation to pop by the house this week. Lives alone. Hmmm.

To new experiences

This is new. I don't think I've ever received a message out of the blue from a girl asking how I am and if I'm free to meet up. I rather like it!

Oh my god what have I done? This isn't the great cartoon I remember it to be!

The lines are so incredibly cheesy.

"Sword of Omens, come to my hands!
Ohhh, look, here it comes! It is a GOOD sword.
Yes, it is good."

"The mutants, they are scattered!
Only for a moment Snowman, they will be back!
Oh look, there they are!"

Thundercats, Ho!

Thundercats are on the move,
Thundercats are loose!
Feel the magic,
Hear the roar,
Thundercats are loose!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!

This is like my all time favourite cartoon when I was young! And I was so pleased to see them on sale on Amazon at a BARGAIN of 14 pounds per season! The first set just arrived today!

Awesomeness....I never thought I'd be watching this again. This time over a nice glass of wine.

However, with the wisdom of age, the lines now really seem damn corny.

There are eyes everywhere

All of us (I hope) do certain things when you think no one's watching or observing. Be it picking your nose, farting, smelling your armpits or your socks to see if that foul smell emanates from you. Yes I've done all of that.

Once in a while, you get caught doing it, and you want to kill yourself from embarrassment.

One of my most embarrassing moments was in the office library a while ago (in Singapore) at 9 pm. Thinking that no loser would be using the library at an ungodly hour of 9 pm, I let a silent one rip. It was awful. Like rotten eggs. And the aircon was off, so the smell just sort of lingered.

Feeling very pleased with myself, I continued to do my research.

Barely 3 minutes later, these 2 junior collegues from another department came in. It's another one of those "deer caught in the headlight" situations. I quickly fanned the aisle with whatever book I could find, and sort of quietly skulked off, except that there was only one exit and I couldn't get past them.

So I skulked off to another aisle.

As luck would have it, they went to the same aisle.

And as the lovely smell wafted their way, they suddenly made suffocating noises, each telling the other what a bastard he was, but each denying the act. Of course they suddenly realised that they weren't alone in the room, and started giggling among themselves.

I grabbed my book and rushed out of the library.

I'm sure when I get promoted, they're going to look at my picture, circulating around the Internet, and say: "hey, that's the guy who farted in the library!". It'll become an urban legend.

While in the London circles, I'll be the soiled tissueman.

Life is truly awful.

Youtube

I've been spending the long weekend watching youtube of American Idol.

Strangely, I can't find video clips of the latest season on Youtube - copyright issues? Bah.

My favourite song of this season was Adam Lambert's rendition of Michael Jackson's Black or White. That was superb. And I'm not even a Michael Jackson fan!

There were crappy clips as well. I couldn't understand the fuss over Susan Boyle's second performance of Memory from Cats. It's awful. It started with wrong note, there's too much vibrato everywhere, and pitch issues throughout. Yet all the judges said that was "spectacular", "you really nailed that one" etc etc...but really, it didn't. I can understand that for her age and her background that was an admirable effort, but it's not what the show is about is it? It's about talent, and that was mediocrity. I can't for example see her being successful beyond the first album. I certainly wouldn't buy it.

Harrods

It's a pretentious, gaudy cesspool of fake Egyptian decor dressed up
to serve as a shrine for consumption by stupid tourists.

And I hate it.

Starting with the stupid policy that backpacks must be carried by
hand. What the fuck. Do you think this is a classroom? I don't
understand.

The products are shit too. And the layout - cluttered, over the top,
gaudy, distasteful, filled with American tourists who lap up all that
baroque goodness. It feels like it is set up by the nouveau riche
wishing they could be part of old class England. One of the gentlemen.

The home furniture section is filled with useless furniture that could
only fit in a place styled like the Versailles palace. A place
concerned with tellling everyone conceitedly that one has "arrived" in
society. Like PRC tourists who dress head to toe in mismatched clothes
but which have famous brand names stamped all over.

It is expensive no doubt. But yet for all that extravagance, it is not
in the least bit tasteful.

Because the door policy is so stupid, I refuse to spend a single cent
in the store.

They ought to take a page from Fortnum and Mason which is everything
Harrods is not. That store oozes with class and taste.

Singapore

Increasingly when people ask me where I'm from, I say Singapore by impulse. This worries me a little.

I suppose the statement is not incorrect. I'm 30 this year. I've spent 12 years in Singapore, 3.5 in UK and another 14.5 in Malaysia.

Considering that noone remembers what happened in the first few years of their lives, that means I've spent a longer time that I remember in Singapore than I have in Malaysia.

Yikes.

The 100m Sprinter

I must say sometimes I have the strangest dreams.

Last night I was a 100m sprinter. Strange I know. It so happens that I won GOLD for the qualifying round. In the finals there were 4 of us - my brother was one (he didn't look like my brother but for some reason) and then some weird Thai or Vietnamese dude and then some other faceless stranger.

AND I GOT SILVER! missing gold by 0.22 seconds (I remember the time board) to that Thai/Vietnamese sprinter.

And the stadium ROARED with excitement. At ME.

Haha, I never felt so famous.

Laptop

I don't understand why my laptop's hot air vent is at the bottom of the laptop. If you place the laptop, as the name suggests, on your lap, 40 deg hot air (or more, if you have a more powerful laptop) onto your lap, which is not comfortable.

And then if you put it between your legs, you're bound to get broiled meatballs.

SO WHY ON EARTH IS IT CALLED A LAPTOP?!?!!

Geez.

AI 2009

I hadn't even realised it was the finals last night until my colleague in Singapore insisted she must be on her way home to watch the finals and couldn't talk anymore.

Anyway I surfed some clips on Youtube today - gosh, that dude can really sing damn high! Like Cs Ds and Es effortlessly!

Wish I was as talented. I struggle on the notes one octave lower.

The family trip to Estonia

Inevitably I approach family trips with a bit of hesitation, because sometimes I feel as if I have to "babysit" my parents. What a reversal of roles:

 

"Have you got your passport?"

"Have you packed all your liquids in your hand luggage correctly?"

"Have you got your airport boarding pass?"

"Did you store your money in your money belt?"

"Have you got your camera and charger?"

"Can you check that you've got your passport again?"

 

I'm not sure when the parented became the parent. My sister thinks I'm paranoid and naggy. Hrm. I think it's a function of the job that I've become obsessed with making sure that all the logistics are sorted out. The mother's a bit disorganised and panicky while the father is lackadaisical about most things, thinking that 100 euros here and there will solve everything.

 

Ironically enough, having ensured that everyone's hand luggage was properly packed, I forgot to remove a bottle of water from my hand luggage and got searched. The stupid immigration officer then confiscated all the 20 or so ziplock bags that I took from the entrance to the airport (they are very useful!). Stupid woman.

 

Of course that then set of jokes the whole journey about how the "seasoned traveller" (aka me) wasn't that seasoned after all.

 

Then I have to check that we've all got enough money, giving them each an emergency stash of local money in case they get lost and need to take a taxi somewhere. (My sister seems to think that it's fine to go around everywhere with only 5 pounds or so in your pocket).

 

Our sleeping patterns are kind of different as well - the parents tend to wake up much earlier and my mum will have some compulsive urge in the morning to pack things which creates a lot of noise which irritates the hell out of me. Thank goodness for ear plugs.

 

While we are walking around the town, the mother will inevitably wander off somewhere on a fancy of her own taking pictures of this that and the other, while the father and sister will wander off somewhere ahead looking at other things, leaving me in the middle wondering where I should go. The mother will then get lost, and sulk when we find her. It's like taking care of kids really.

 

Anyway. Estonia. Not much to be said there. Lovely old town - very well preserved medieval architecture. But prices are shocking - approaching standards in Western Europe. Apparently the Finns from Helsinki frequently make weekend trips down and drive up the prices. We made a trip across to Helsinki as well, and there I was even more shocked by the prices - it's even higher than Norway. I had a plate of reindeer sausage and potato at a MARKET and it cost 10 euros.

 

I'm now back in the office. And I'm exhausted. I've told my colleagues that there's a high chance that I won't be travelling at the end of my stint here in London, which is in about 2.5 weeks' time. How quickly time flies and soon I'll be back in dreary old Singapore.

 

Will I be depressed? I'm not sure. Time will tell.

Twit

This ******* twit from my office is pissing me off. He has corrected
my draft at least 10 times and changes his mind each time I see him.
That's all fine, but for the fact that he makes these idiotic changes
to my sentence structure, which then renders the sentence gramatically
wrong.

Like, twice, he's changed my 'if it were inclined to do so" to "if it
was inclined to do so".

I'm really about to punch him.

Drinking

Seeing some pics on Facebook of Emma getting drunk reminds me of this shipbroking company's annual bash in Sentosa about a year back where the alcohol was free flow. I snuck 2 of my friends in and drank the night away. Each of us had:

 

1.      2 magharitas (or was it 3)

2.      15-18 shots of tequila lime or whisky shots

3.      1 or 2 beers

 

All was fine, 'cos we drank it pretty quickly in succession and we were talking nonsense. As I talked I could feel myself getting higher and higher. And then halfway I sort of just decided to turn my head, and puke on the sand, and then continue talking again, while sort of getting little specks of puke on my friend as I talked and sputtered.

 

There's a video recording of the night somewhere on one of my friends' handphones. Pretty annoyed with that since it's blackmail material. We're supposed to be model members of society. Hardly.

 

I was quite smashed the next day. Oh and we had Chorale. I think I croaked away at Chorale.

 

I haven't gotten that drunk in quite a while. It's not really very fun is it.

 

Next Thursday we have some group social event involving drinking (yay). The trick is to make sure you're braced against something solid, and not to talk too much because inevitably you start sprouting nonsense and slurring.

I am getting fat(ter). D@mn.

Nervous laughs

Must control the impulse to give fake laughs when nervous. I really don't fit in here.

I feel sick after eating 2 Krispy Kremes.

Replay of the Smile.

I keep replaying yesterday's encounter in the corridor over and over
again in my head.

What did he mean by the smile.

Did he mean:

"Hello you narcissistic poo lover"
"Hello you poo-smeared Asian"
"Hello you disgust me but in a funny, sad way, like Baldrick from Black Adder"
"Hello you disgusting sh!t inspector"

Have I mentioned that I'm mortified (still)?

Toilet incident v2

After a few weeks of avoiding the global head of department following
the "Soiled Tissue" incident I finally walked past him (I tried to
avoid him but there is no other route and it would look weird if I did
a double take) in the corridor. I felt mortified, but said hi and he
smiled back and mouthed hi.

I wonder if that means he's forgotten about the incident.

E-flat

Interesting fact that I read today in the Reader's Digest over my (extended) lunch break.

 

"Most toilets flush in E-flat"

 

I can't wait to confirm this in (i) the office toilet on my floor; (ii) the disabled toilet where the tissueman incident occurred, and (iii) in each of my toilets at home.

 

This is so geeky.

Doubts

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm cut out for this job. I look at the senior people and wonder: will I ever be in that position one day? Will I ever be as good?

 

When I read textbooks, sometimes my eyes will just glaze over and then I'll surf over to sgcarmart.com to see if any new cars are being launched in Singapore. Anything to stop reading those lines and lines of text.

 

I have the concentration span of a dodo-bird unless I really have to, so upgrading my technical skills is difficult. There are rumours that the big boss devours academic journals while having dinner. I really can't see myself doing that without glazing over.

 

And without the technical skills, the people skills or the good looks, how will I get ahead?

 

And then there is the matter that on some days I come into the office and my mind just blanks out and take an hour to write one paragraph of an email. Whereas the boss next door (I can hear the conversations) will be like on some conference call on some high level project that I can only hope of understanding and going "Yes, absolutely, of course. blah blah blah [technical parts that I don't understand]" while I sit here and go "huh?" and feel like a right dodo.

 

Or maybe I should set my sights lower. I don't have to be a superstar and life would then be a lot easier. The race to the top can get tiring. I remember a few years back, that Michael Dell famously said, when asked if Dell had ambitions to overtake HP as the world number 1 manufacturer or computers, that they (Dell) were quite happy content being number 2 - they didn't have the need to be number 1 and saw it as bringing additional unnecessary stress to maintain a lead.

 

I've just received my template evaluation form to report on what I've achieved while I'm here (not much, frankly, except a reevaluation of perspectives). And it's stressing me out to no end. I don't know what I'm going to write. It goes on for pages and pages. My eyes are glazing over.

IQ

An extract from the FT today, emphasis mine.

==========
The world of high IQ societies certainly does not suggest the existence of a higher evolutionary plane. Although the best known, Mensa, was set up in the UK in 1946 with utopian goals – it was envisioned by its founder, Roland Berrill, as a panel of brilliant minds that would improve society – such groups are often a refuge for people who have trouble fitting in elsewhere. “High cognitive ability is very often a mixed blessing,” Patrick O’Shea, the president of one such society, the International Society for Philosophical Enquiry (ISPE), told me. Too wide a deviation from the mean IQ of 100 brings with it an inherent isolation. “If you have an IQ of 160 or higher,” O’Shea explained, “you’re probably able to connect well with less than 1 per cent of the population.” Among the 600 or so members of the ISPE, whose IQs are all around 150 or higher, O’Shea described a “common experience of being socially marginalised” and the challenge of finding suitable outlets for their gifts. “It’s good to be smart, it’s good to get ahead, but past a certain threshold, you can’t be trusted: you’re a nerd, you’re a geek,” he said. “You have somehow a tremendous social deficit.”
============

It's an outright torture that all I'm waiting for is the clock to hit
530 before I bolt out of here. As with these things I'm bound to get a
call at 5.25 pm with work. I'm tempted to just go off now.

Chablis / Acidic chardonnay and creamy cheese make such a delightful combination. For some reason the cheese will turn a little sweet and at the same time the grape aroma of the wine is intensified.

I'm wondering if lesbian bars admit men into their premises? I want to see what goes on inside. Are there even lesbian bars in Singapore I wonder.

And again, at the car rental centre, the person looked at me with suspicion and asked me how old I was.

Stupidity

Today I received an email acknowledging receipt of something I sent, and then asking me to acknowledge receipt of her acknowledgment.

 

I was half tempted to then reply to her, acknowledging that I received her acknowledgment and then in turn to ask her to confirm that she received my acknowledgment of her acknowledgment of my package.

Having a rotten day.

Californication

This is bad. I haven't been up to no-good in weeks. Since Copenhagen I believe.

 

Whatever am I to do with my blog title.

To JJ

JJ, I am given to understand that you *memorize* my blog entries to the extent you know what entries I've deleted????

Stop that, it's freaky.

Confidence

Surely I need more confidence in myself and my abilities. It's tough. I'm not stupid, but when I am unsure of myself, I become a stammering mess and appear like a blundering idiot.

Fuss over AWARE

I can't understand the fuss.

Surely a society that aims to attract talent from all the world must err on the side of being overinclusive rather than being underinclusive? And that means to accept the baggage that comes with such people, unless a tangible harm can be identified.

The fact that homosexuality is "against social norm" is, in my view, neither here nor there. Since statistically the majority of the population is going to be straight, homosexuality will not likely ever become a "social norm" even in the most liberal of societies. But does the fact that it's a minority position render it rightfully the subject of discrimination? Surely not.

In my mind I find it difficult to justify a discriminatory policy towards what people do in the privacy of their homes. What's the difference between two men wanting to prod each other's backside and other "deviant" forms of sexual behaviour? S&M is surely more deviant. What about that episode of House where this guy gets off on being strangled?

In my view what two people do consensually in the privacy of their own homes is absolutely none of my business. If you want to whip each other and scream "I'VE BEEN A BAD BOY MOMMA SPANK ME WITH THAT WHIP!" yeah that's none of my business unless you scream so loud that you wake me up in the middle of the night and I can't work the next day. If you want to strangle each other and that gets you off, yeah then by all means. Bestiality is off-limits since animals can't consent. Likewise, if you want to poke your best friend's backside, yeah sure by all means, I don't care. Does that make me a gay activist? Nope - I just couldn't care less what happens. IT SIMPLY HAS NO IMPACT ON ME!

Why do people get so worked up trying to create their vision of a "moral society"? Morality is relative to each person and I don't think anyone can say what's more "right". So why bother? Surely society would be much more peaceful if we just accepted everyone for who they are?

But then I guess some believe they are doing "God's work" and that they are compelled to act by a higher power who alone is the arbiter of what's right and wrong. For one, the fact that you believe in a certain religion doesn't make it right, because others have an equally valid claim that an alternative relgion, or none at all, is right. Second, the Christian population in Singapore is also the minority by number, so what gives that minority segment of society the right to impose their beliefs on others?

I would note that:

(a) in a society that relies so heavily on human talent (foreign human talent at that);

(b) in a society where money comes first (and therefore the relative importance of getting the right people in to generate that money); and

(c) in a world where the most developed economies (namely the EU bloc and North America) have already abolished discrimination towards homosexuals,

it does seem to me like a lost cause in the long run for the anti-gay activists in Singapore. Human talent is so mobile nowadays - they can just move if societal conditions are not right. Take me for example - I get discriminated in Malaysia on the basis of race. I don't like it, therefore I move somewhere else. Simple. "Home" is not the concept it used to be, say 30 years ago.

Sure, Singapore can say: "we don't want people with such tendancies" - but in a world competing ever more fiercely for human talent it's in Singapore's interest to tend towards being overinclusive rather than being underinclusive. I therefore find it hard to believe that Singapore's eventual direction will lie somewhere else.

Oh its actually "I am become Death, destroyer of worlds". I thought I
heard it from somewhere before.

Friends

"I am become donuts - the destroyer of diets"

This made me crack up in the middle of a coffee shop in Bergen. I must
have looked strange.

I love that some of my friends have such a wry sense of humour. This
particular one likes to name himself on MSN with twists of grand
sounding statements. I am sure the original statement of the above
starts with "I am become Death - destroyer of something (probably
Man)".

Cheesecake

Have you ever eaten cheesecake so light it feels as if it melts in your mouth and slides right down into you grateful stomach? I just did and it was wonderful. All cheesecakes should be like this.

Mrs. Watanabe

On the railway and tourboat I met Mrs. Watanabe A, Mrs. Watanabe B and
Mrs Watanabe C. Well I don't actually know if that's their names, but
they all looked pretty much identical. Same shade of skin. Same
hairstyle and clothes style. Pretty much same age. Slim, with very
good skin considering their age. There was a 4th member of the group
who was obviously out of place. She was short fat and ugly. Turns out
she was the tour guide.

Must be fun being a tour guide. You get to see new places, travel for
free, and that's considered work! If I ever get retrenched I'll be a
tour guide. I have to do something about my guailan face though or
else I'm not going to get any tips.

Oh I know. I'll specialise in the old auntie/spinster tours. I am
such an auntie killer they will all fall for me I'm sure.

Foot reflexology part 2

Is it retarded that I miss foot reflexology so much that as I was hiking today I made sure to step on every single stone with a thin edge or small pebbles and bear my entire weight on it so as to stimulate the nerve endings on my feet? It felt gooddddd

May Day

Almost all the shops are shut today. When asked what tourists do, the hostel manager shrugged, said: "Nothing I think..." and ended with "Welcome to Norway!".

Coffee

I'm screwed. Since waking up this morning I've had 5 cups of coffee. How I'm going to sleep tonight is beyond me. Maybe I should go out drinking, which I would if it weren't for the fact that alcohol costs an arm and a leg here in Norway.

As for the coffee intake, I can't help it. Each time I sit somewhere, I have to order a drink, and I'm usually curious to see how good the coffee is (because tea is just tea and chocolate is just chocolate).

As I type I'm having an iced latte even though its starting to get cold.

At SGD12 a glass, it is a *wee* bit pricy...but I guess that's Norway for you.