Yummy

I think this one is it. I have found my love. I'm going to crack on this.

 

 

Cracked

Ok I think I've officially cracked.

I just now need to decide what I'm going to crack on.

Cracking

I suggested to my parents to go see some cars today -- I wanted to check out the Opel Corsa, which goes for about 65k, but instantly got poo-poohed by my parents.

So off to the VW showroom we went so that I could show them the VW Polo which I was quite keen on.

I've rarely seen my Dad so excited about anything. Once he got to the showroom he was like a bee in a garden, flying from flower to flower and poring over all of them.

I thought they'd be sensible and gravitate towards the cheaper models.

They didn't give the Polo a second glance. "Too small -- what are you going to do with that? It's tiny." The Jetta looked like a "box", and the Golf GTI was "nice" while the normal Golf was "passable".

The dad's all time favourite was the Passat CC, which I thought was too big, but he thought was very nice, never mind the 122k price tag.

We also went to the Audi showroom, but the parents didn't really like the look of the Audi, and honestly the inside of the Audi seemed smaller than the VW.

Finally we went to the Merc showroom, but the saleswoman was a complete sanctimonious bitch. There I met an ex-colleague who was looking at the E350 coupe (price: >S$250k).

At all times I felt extremely out of place to be parking my puny red plated Getz 1.1 M in the car park filled with luxury marques.

My parents think it's totally time I got myself a new car, because even his lowly staff have a BMW 318i in Malaysia, and my mother's STUDENTS have Toyota Corollas.

I'm going to crack under all this pressure to get a new car soon. At least 15 ppl have asked me to get a new car, and there are all these people around me with all these swanky cars I feel embarrassed in my tiny Getz.

Maybe life is too short to feel embarrassed. I don't know.

Or maybe I need to hang out with more down to earth people.

Help. The pressure buildeth.

Dulan

It's been a damn dulan xmas.

Carolled until my balls dropped.

Go Chorale get kaopehed and bitched about.

Got booted out of bass section. Luckily I can sight read fast.

Parents visit stress me out to no end.

Damn busy at work.

Can't wait for my holiday.

But holiday not yet planned. No time / desire to plan. Am just happy
to rot in the hotel for 4 nights and eat Indonesian food and soak in
Indonesian atmosphere.

Dulan dulan dulan.

Addiction

Help I can't stop playing tap tap revenge!!!
>

>

Help I can't stop playing tap tap revolution and it's 3 am!!!

Pop Star

Sometimes I have grand visions of being a pop star.

After a friend showed me a voice memo of her friend singing, I was
quite inspired tonight, and karaoke-d along (by myself in the comfort
of my home) to Franki Valli's "December '63 (Oh What a Night)". A very
catchy tune indeed.

I thought I sang pretty well, until I played back the recording. And
er it sucked. Wavering pitch, harshness of sound.

Maybe I put the mike too near my mouth. But how come on Youtube it
doesn't cause a problem with the singers who record themselves?

That recording is never seeing the light of day.

And I have to face the fact that I can never be a popstar.

Purple

Two of my colleagues are trying to set me up with their common friend. They keep asking my other colleague to get them a picture to pass on for the friend's consideration. I find that extremely embarrassing. To make it worse, they keep whispering conspiratorially in my presence. Like at the photo shoot today, I could just make out that they were saying that they should use these photoshoot pictures as my advertisement.

I swear I turned purple with embarrassment.

iSkinny?

My jacket's too big as are my pants; I need a new set of clothes. Who would've thought such words would ever be uttered out of my mouth, or rather, in this case, typed on a keyboard?

Naked

Ok I'm done with the photo shoot. I hope it doesn't turn out shite.

Due to years of conditioning from the braces, I am now incapable of flashing a big cheesy grin / smile in public. I'm still adjusting -- it feels naked and exposed. Drinking water is probably like....hmm....sex without a condom? Is that a good analogy? I wouldn't know. Or would I? Hmmm.

I have a photo shoot in like 7 hours. I don't even know how to get
there.

Oxide

In the list of the most stupid English names, it's hard to beat the
PRCs and the HKers.

In a magazine on my flight to Hong Kong two years back, I read that
someone had named themself "Chlorophyll Wong", and another,
"Photosyntesis Lim".

What were they thinking?

Perhaps they thought that well, it's a good thing because it
represents an ever regenerating source of growth and food, and
hopefully like his/her name, their wealth and health would be ever
regenerating.

Maybe their friends call them "Chlorie" and "Synthie".

But anyway I thought the silliness couldn't be topped.

Until today I saw the ST report on Storm Warriors.

The director of this movie (which I'm going to watch!)? Oxide Pang.

His twin has a better name: Danny Pang.

Oxide.

Pfft. This really takes the cake.

Maybe I shall name my kids according to the Table of Elements. Rare
ones at that.

I could name my daughter: "Molybdenum", aka Molly for short.

Then there'd be "Samarium", or Sam for short.

And "Holmium", or Holmes for short.

My new secretary of barely 2 months has quit. I'm not having much luck
with secretaries am I?

Just another (manic) Monday, wish it were Sunday

Today is Monday. It's business as usual, and feels like nothing has changed, notwithstanding that Saturday lunch (where all the new Directors were announced) should theoretically have been one of the biggest moments in my life so far.

 

I mean, in theory, what's not to love? There are only 8 of us, 3 from my department. I'm the youngest of the lot, the baby. The money's not bad, to say the least. And I suppose I should feel pleased that I've reached my goal of being promoted by 30.

 

So in theory I should feel special.  

 

Do I feel special? Do I feel a sense of achievement and gratification?

 

Well in truth, the answer is: not really.  I mean, yes, there were the congratulatory messages here and there, but I don't feel as if it was anything special. The feeling is not like what I felt when we won the category champion at Xiamen or got two gold medals at Bremen. In fact I'm more pensive than elated. In the corridor today I was just thinking: "am I too young to have all these responsibilities"? 

 

The K was saying that I should feel very accomplished that I own my house and car at 30.

 

I'm wondering if "accomplishments" are really measured as such. It might be on a superficial level (better to have than not to have right?), but maybe deep down my desire for accomplishment is to be found elsewhere.

 

So the weekend was rather lousy.

 

Saturday was spent carolling to a bunch of morons.

 

Sunday was spent watching The Big Bang Theory. That cracked me up. I'm told that I'm exactly like Sheldon, the lead.

 

Expectations

So weird. I have Directors waving hi to me when 6 months ago they'd
have just looked right past me.

Another one says I must be a funny person 'cos I sometimes give my
boss the "are you stupid" look (I don't).

Welcome to the inner circle it says.

I'm thinking "omg I have to prove myself all over again. Can I fulfil
expectations? What if I'm a failure!"

Sigh.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

iMoron

So it turns out that I was a bit of a moron yesterday in front of my big boss. Being nervous and all my mind was blank when I went to see him, and when the offer came, I didn't really know what to say. After the terms were set out, he asked: "So do you want to thnk about it and call me back?"

What I really then wanted to say was: "Well what's there to think about? I accept!"

Which is what I would've done if I were a cool dude with a cool demeanour.

But being the nervous wreck that I was, all that came out of my mouth was something unintelligible. I don't think it was even in English. (PS this must be what speaking in tongues is like -- when your mind goes blank).

Him: "Did you want to say something?"

Me: "garble barble garble... uhmm... garble garble".

I try again:

Me: "garble garble garble mumble mumble"

I give up and stare at him blankly

Him: "So you think about it and call me back?"

Me: "Uhm, ok"

It transpires that the correct ding ding answer is a short: "Thank you for the offer, I accept." On the spot.

Feedback to me later:

My immediate boss: "You're such a moron. Oh my god what if he thinks I'm a moron too for having supported a moron"

Another director somewhere: "He's such a clown. BigBoss probably thinks he's a moron now"

So there we are. I'm a moron.

It's going to be the start of a beautiful relationship with my BigBoss I'm sure.

I can think of nothing worse in terms of 101 embarrassing moments at work, except for the soiled tissue incident.

Sigh. Please kill me now.

Ring Ring Part 5

So the call came today, and it's been a weird day of sorts. I was so
nervous that essentially I couldn't say anything and must have looked
like a complete fool in front of the big boss, because I tried to say
something, and nothing but unintelligible words came out of my mouth.
The only words I could say were: "oh ok. yeah. sure."

It's a strange feeling. It's a VERY strange feeling -- as of 1 Jan I'm
no longer an employee, but an employer.

The stress will multiply by 5x.

I'd be expected to be a leader when, really, inside, I feel like a
complete fraud waiting for the day that I'd be discovered for the
fraud that I really am.

People will have different expectations. The clothes I wear. The way I
behave. The car I drive. I'm no longer able to squeeze fellow
employees for free treats; in fact I'd have to be the one treating.
Will I fit the role. Will I grow into it / fulfil expectations? I
don't know. The increased scrutiny is stressful.

People will look at me differently in the lifts. Already they kinda
avoid me and let me go into lifts first or get out of lifts first.

I haven't really been able to do much work today. My mind's been in a
daze.

Ring ring part 4

Hur hur. Finally, the culmination of 6 years of slogging....

I'm so tempted to take MC tomorrow, but who knows, tomorrow might be
the day of the ring ring. Sigh.

SICK AGAIN

I am coming down with some throat infection. One would think I've been
frequenting Geylang or, closer to home, Joo Chiat. I HAVEN'T.

I don't know why I keep getting sick these two months!

Perhaps God smiteth the heathen scum that I am.

Oink

I've been called a sexist pig today. Grrrr. I'm not wattttttttt

Ring Ring Part 3

Still no ring ring.

The suspense is killing me.

Hungry

I was introduced to David Lebovitz's website by Popartgirl and have been a faithful follower ever since. I've even tried to look for his book in the bookshop (Sweet Life in Paris), but it seems they don't stock it here except in Kinokuniya. Talk about a bad selection of books. What we need is an Amazon.com.sg. I'm sure they'd do a huge load of business.

What I really hate about the website is the fact that the writer eats, eats and eats like there's no tomorrow, and doesn't seem to get fat. I read it in the morning with my morning coffee, and just looking at the pictures makes me gain 2 kg. Worse of all it makes me HUNGRY just looking at all those pictures.

Right now, I've got a craving for some Champagne. At 9.45 am in the morning. Something is seriously wrong. Gagh.

Overeating. Groan.

I feel fucking ill, and in need of like colon cleansing or something.

This is my food log over the last 3 days.

Friday:
10 am: Wantan noodles, yong tau fu
3 pm: KFC
7 pm: BBQ Stingray, Hokkien noodles, Horfun, Char Kway Teow, Popiah,
Calamansi+sour plum juice
11 pm: 1 pint of Leffe Brune

Saturday:
10 am: Thosai
12 pm: Seafood lunch with bamboo clams, crabs, prawns, coconut flower
water
3 pm - 7 pm: zzzzzzzzzzz
8 pm: Claypot rice and soup
9 pm: Chicken satay

Sunday:
8.30 am: Wantan noodles; chee cheong fun
11 am: Durian
12.30 pm: Dim sum lunch
3.30 pm: nonya kuih, chicken curry puff

8pm: At home wanting to crawl into the toilet and puke. But yet stuff
face with more nonya kuih, and San Pellegrino sparkling water. As if
that would help lighten the last 3 days' intake.

Total calorie count: 1,234,646,273,723 calories.

I'm going on a diet, so help me god.

Cleverrrrr boy

Sometimes I'm so clever I shudder at my cleverness. It's like I'd
write an email or a memo. And then i'd get pleasure re-reading it 'cos
it's such a masterpiece. To me anyway.

This is so silly.

Ring Ring Part 2

Sigh. I'm waiting for that call. One more week. And if I don't get a call. I shall go jump off the building.

XXXXX - client!

We all hate difficult customers. I've had my fair share of them. But
of course the customer is almost always right, so you just grin and
bear it.

When the tables were recently, it was my turn to be the customer as I
refinanced my housing loan.

Ordinarily I'm rather uhm nice and docile, but I really hate people
calling me at work and wasting my time. So if you call me and you
don't know your stuff, you're likely to get a tongue lashing from me,
because not only am I paying you, you're wasting my time.

And gave it to this admin assistant I did.

It should therefore be no surprise that at the signing today, I saw an
internal file note on the cover. "Attn: Vivien...etcetc..." then at
the bottom, a note:

"XXXXX - client!"

Which I took to mean Bitch of a client. Haha maybe I should've kicked
up a fuss n asked for a discount. But I was more amused than
irritated, so I let it pass.

Rain

So according to Straits Times, this is the result of eating unsalted
chicken breasts and veges for 8 months with no salt or sugar, and 8-10
hours of exercise every day.

I say: give me my foie gras, steak and wine any day.

So is anyone actually going to watch Ninja Assassin?

And I really don't get why all the secretaries are gaga over Rain.

MRI

So the MRI shows that I have indeed got a slipped disk in my neck,
with the MRI quite clearly showing that it is pressing into my central
nerve, which accounts for the numbness in my thumb.

The bad news is that it results from a degeneration of the bone
structure in the neck, the cause of which is indeterminable, and
therefore it will never be "back to normal".

The good news is that (I) its quite common so nothing to fret about,
(ii) the slipped disk may "unslip" over time with traction and
acupuncture and the numbness is therefore treatable.

The whole episode makes you think how fragile the human body really
is, and how something so simple can cause so much discomfort and
injury. All I had was weakness in the arm, and already the slight loss
of control on a part of my body was enough to give rise to feelings of
frustration and powerlessness. How infinitely more frustrag it must be
for a person to be paralysed due to an accident. For a person who's
pretty much all his life been able to maintain control over his body
and his immediate surrounding, the experience is somewhat humbling I
must say.

Also on the bright side, the doctor said I was cute! Well sort of in a
roundabout way. In discussing treatment she said there's a lot of my
tension in the right side of my body, even in my cheek muscles. "See
the right side is a bit sunken, not like the left side which is you
know quite cute". OH MY GOD I think turned a deep shade of purple.

I have a gargantuan crush on my tcm doctor. I even examined her
medical degree certificate on the wall which contained her birthdate
and found out that we're the same age! She's born March 31, 1979.

I wonder if she's married, or has a boyfriend etcetc.
Maybe she's too busy to date (they work sats and suns). And is this
crush arising from the simple and well known fact that, being ill, I'm
in a position of vulnerability and that any potential "saviour" is
naturally attractive or compels attraction.

I can't wait for my next tcm session.

On some days I wake up and I feel like I want to be a Korean
superstar. Don't ask me why; I don't really know.

On another note, I must learn to control my foul temper and to let go
of things at work. I'm gonna turn into this nasty Incredible Sulk
soon. Were I only as well built. Right now it's more like Sumo Sulk.

MRI

So my MRI is scheduled in about an hour's time. I've got this probably
irrational fear that the machine might cause all the iron in my body
to leech out of my skin (or worse, my butt) with excruciating pain,
like that scene from XMen where Magneto escapes from his plastic
prison: "I sense that the iron levels in your blood is a little high
today....", and then the guy explodes and dies.

Or that the MRI may show that I've got a tumour in my neck pressing
against a nerve.

Oh my god I'm going nuts.

I'm too young to die!

The day beckons

The annual company D&D (except that it's lunch rather than dinner --
cost cutting) takes place in approx. 3 weeks from now. Promotions will
be announced then, so I should know really soon whether that fat
promotion is coming. It's stressing me out to no end. Here's hoping
for that call from the MD.

Ring ring.

An old classmate added me to facebook today. I hadn't seen him since
we left junior college so I was surprised to see his pictures show
that he's put on at least 10 kg.

When I first joined junior college I thought my class had a group of
rather outstanding people. Two represented Singapore in various
international maths and science competitions. Another was head of the
student counsel. And then there were various other people who stood
out in college. I thought that, compared to my old school, this was a
cohort that would go somewhere.

10 years later, I don't really see that. One's doing an MBA in MIT,
which I guess is an achievement, but many of the rest have sort of
just languished somewhere. Many have settled down, some with kids
already.

But who am I to define what "achievement" is right? To each his own I
suppose, and as long as one's happy, that should be perfectly ok and
nobody should have the right to tell you otherwise.

I'll always remember my Chemistry teacher who was extolling the
benefit of a local teaching scholarship. She was so pleased that she'd
just graduated and was guaranteed a job with a decent starting pay,
and that she'd just bought a HDB flat with her hubby. She'd tell us
that her flat had an aircon, and that on "hot days" she'd just turn on
the aircon and enjoy the cool air with her husband at home watching
movies. I remember the look of content.

Me? I want more out of my career; I'm not ready to settle, though I
guess that would be nice. Still, it does get a little lonely on some
weekends. I wonder what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm too eager to be
everyone's friend. I should just be a bad boy. Which incidentally, is
always what I've wanted to be. BUT WITH A FACE LIKE THIS, HOW TO BE A
BAD BOY???? I mostly look like a kid in McDonald's. Couldn't hurt a fly.

blargh

TCM part 2

2 - 3 weeks after the episode with the back pain, my thumb remains
numb. What worried me was that at my liposuction class, i seemed to
have lost some strength. It didn't strike me until Thursday when I
realised that my left arm was now stronger than my right!

It was truly frustrating and merit another trip to the TCM doctor.

This time I was attended by the brother of that sexy doctor with the
Taiwanese drawl. He sprouts a lot more Singlish. Boo.

Anyway I've been told that I'm likely to have had a slipped disk and
that it's pressing on my nerve which is what's causing the numbness.

What's more worrying is that they told me it's restricting the
bloodflow into my right arm, and that it's causing my muscles to
shrink!!!

That got me really upset since it means I'm wasting a few months of
liposuction work. And thus I immediately signed up for an MRI.

The f-ing MRI is going to cost me $722. I should quit my job and go
sell MRI machines I say.

Still, I need to get this fixed pronto. I can't have my right arm
shrivelling. As it is I've got some rashes on the back of my right arm
which I suspect is brought on by the damn slipped disk.

This is not a good month. My credit card bill is going to explode.
But I have to get this fixed pronto.

Rotten day

It's been a right rotten day today. Get screamed at by the client, I
scream back, nightmare about work last night, dreadful tedious file to
deal with etc etc, and on top of that I left my phone in the office.

The only bright highlight of the day was that I got my friend to drive
down all the way from ulu Tuas to meet me for dinner. I used my secret
weapon of persuasion: by offering to buy dinner. The vampiress could
never resist a free meal muahahhhaa...

Then again I'm probably equally vampiric.

And of course there was all that time taken to drive here from Tuas in
peak hour traffic.

But in my defence I'm the one having a rotten day!!!! So give me a
break. WHINE.....

Cardio

Last week marked my first ever run in probably all of 4 years or so. I
half thought I'd pass out from exhaustion. But I didn't. Yay.

I ran a turtle pace and reached 3 km in er all of 25 mins. Which means
that I'd fail my 2.4.

With these embarrassing statistics I increased the speed by 10% on the
next run, reaching 3.3 km in 25 mins.

Today is my third run, and I set the damn treadmill at 8km/h for all
of 30 mins. Which means I still fail my 2.4, but then ran 4 km. And
now I'm knackered.

My colleague yesterday who hadn't seen me in a while kept going on and
on about how much weight I'd lost. I really don't think I have; since
scales don't lie. But oh well if you say so. Maybe she thinks I'm hot
hurhur.

"Your time has come"

Thus speaketh the orthodontist after examining my teeth. after
peppering it with "oh at long last" and "finally"

Unfortunately the braces don't come off quite yet. I have an
appointment on 8 Dec in the morning (to take off the braces) and then
the afternoon (to fit the retainers).

I've waited so long, I guess what's another month?

Remind me not to eat onions for dinner. I'm farting all the way
through boat quay. If someone lights up a cigarette I'm sure I'd
trigger World War 3.

Excessiveness

I'd been meaning to blog about the events of last Friday at Skunk's
wedding dinner, but hadn't gotten round to it due to this that and the
other.

To cut the long story short, I (a) had too much to drink; (b) started
singing very loudly in public; (c) said to the poor waitress: "hey
bitch [or was it wench?], get me a glass of wine"; (d) outed my poor
friend; and (e) called another two female friends "bitch" and "slut"
respectively, albeit in jest.

In short, I have been an utter disgrace and embarrassment to all that
my job stands for -- decorum, reservation, dignity.

Oh Alcohol! Thou art evil beyond compare!

Still, it was a blast of an evening; if only all wedding dinners could
be like that.

It wasn't meant to be this way. I arrived late, at 7.45 and I blame it
all on Yen Ling who said "let's get drunk!" At the outset. At that
point it seemed like a good idea. Except she stopped at about 4
glasses whereas I must have had 15 or more.

Dinner proper started at 9 pm, by which time I already had too much to
drink on an empty stomach. Probably 6 glasses or more. And was best
buddies (or so I thought) with everyone on the table.

It wasn't enough that I was best buds with everyone there; I thought
that given my ahem magnetic personality it was incumbent upon me to to
also be best buds with people on OTHER tables, and so I started
chugging wine with GQ, an ex-chorale member (our relationship was
founded on alcohol I swear).

Things progressively got rowdier; my memory fades after the point I
had roast chicken, the 4th dish of the evening.

By then of course I was a roaring drunk and remember only very little.
I puked very gracefully into the toilet bowl, and had to be dragged
out by another friend.

Time passes very quickly when one is drunk. By midnight, when everyone
else was gone I was at my table demanding that I be served my yam
paste dessert. "Where is MY ORH NIIIII??????" I shouted. It had been
served more than an hour ago.

It seems I also demanded that everyone on the table give me their wine
glasses, and chugged all their leftovers (since the kitchen had none
left). That explains why I called the waitress an Ahem, and also
explains why I had red wine stains all over my shirt the next day when
I thought I'd only been drinking white.

I also broke two wine glasses, having underestimated my boar-ish brute
strength (roarrrr) and cut my finger in the process because I was
thinking how interesting these glass fragments were and wondering why
my thumb became the fascinating colour of bright red when I played
with the fragments.

I don't remember anything of the bride/groom speech, or any part of
the video montage (was there more than one?)

Chug chug chug. Like a machine. Or maybe more accurately, a wild bushfire.

There are videos of my misfeasance out there on someone's phone. I
told my friend to please delete them or my career will be in ruins.
God forbid that she should lose her phone and I become the next Edison
Chen (minus the raunchy bits and of course I have a *cough* better
physique *cough*).

I have been very bad. VERRRRY bad. And I think I'm repentent. And very
sorry. Really. I dun bluff you one.

Does anyone know what happens on the dental visit when they discover
the gaps between ur teeth hv closed? Do they make the retainer
straightaway and the braces come off on that visit? Or is it only the
visit after tt. If the latter then darn, braces aint coming off on
tues.

Priorities...

In my many years since working, nothing has ever managed to get me off my ass to go exercise.

 

Yesterday however I started (on top of my usual liposuction routine), my running and dieting program.

 

I've also bought an ipod shuffle so that I've got music when I go running. And a bunch of Nike clothes on Sunday.

 

This Sunday I'm going to go mountain biking. Or so I hope.

 

And then I've been super proactive about the rubber bands on my braces, changing them everyday, and doubling the amount of rubber bands I put on. Fingers crossed, the braces come off next Tuesday.

 

One may ask why I'm doing all this. Everyone suspects I've got some new squeeze or am after some new squeeze. Or that maybe I'm now very interested in maintaining good health.

 

The reason is far simpler and sillier. I'm almost embarrased to say.

 

If I get that promotion at the end of the year, my mugshot goes up on the company website. And god forbid that I should look fat and ugly in that photo.

 

Boy, have I got my priorities right...

The "transformation"

So the client sees me and goes: "Oh my god what has happened to you??!!?! You lost so much weight!!!! How many kgs did you lose????" and promptly goes and gets the other senior officer to come see my "transformation".

I'm like errrrr turning purple by the second with embarrassment. What am I, a circus exhibition?

And there I'm sitting getting teased about how it must be a new girlfriend or if I'm getting married. How I wish, haha. Still, they're very nice people and one of my favourite clients. This is what I'd get out of bed for. And to the clients' credit, they haven't seen me for more than a year.

But I really errr don't think I've "transformed". I've like been stagnant on the same weight for a year. The trainer was just nagging me yesterday about my slow progress and how I've got to go do some cardio. "Exercise is not just a 2 hour/week thing. It's a 24/7 effort." yadda yadda yadda. I'm being lectured by a 23 year old. Sigh.

So I'm off to the gym at lunch today with my roommate in the office to errr do some running. Which I absolutely hate. Hate beyond hate. Maybe I can cycle.

I have noticed some changes though. The other day I was just scratching my butt (yes yes, it's disgusting, but MY BUTT WAS ITCHING), and, this is embarrassing, I suddenly exclaimed to myself: "I HAVE BUTT MUSCLES!!! WOWWEEEEE". If this gets out to my office colleagues I'll die of embarrassment.

I'm hopefully getting rid of those braces next month. Fingers crossed.

The trainer's quite a funny dude. He keeps complaining about how if he broke up with his girlfriend he'd have to start all over again and that it'd be "damn sian". I'm like "dude you're 23. shut up and suck it up". He likes drinking as well. So atypical.

Rainbows

Rainbows are visions
But only illusions

Thus speaketh Kermit the frog.

The day draweth closer. With each passing day I'm one step closer to what is hopefully a fat promotion with a fat pay rise. How fat, nobody knows. And I'm not sure if it's really there. It's like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Except one doesn't know where the rainbow ends. You just walk, walk and walk, and then one day you reach.

Come December, I'll know whether I've reached the end of the first rainbow (there's a bigger rainbow up ahead).

But I'm quite excited. Let's hope it happens.

Meanwhile people keep asking me if I'm reaching the end of my first rainbow. I don't know what to answer. If I say yes and I don't then I'll be embarrassed and I'll want to be like an ostrich burying my head in the sand. If I say no it feels like false modesty. So it usually ends with a "erm. I don't know. It's complicated. Ask me later."

So don't ask.

I've often gotten irritated with people who put on this fake-o accent
when talking to angmohs. Imagine, horror of horrors, that I find
myself doing it, and worse of all THAT I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM DOING
IT.

It's truly awful.

It's not that I intentionally fake it. It's just that I subconsciously
try to match their accent when I'm talking to them. Like how when I
talk to the hawker I'll use all my lahs and lors.

But the strange thing is that I've only got one accent, and it's based
on the English accent. So it's that same angmohfied accent whether I
talk to an Englishman, a German, an American or an Australian.

Help.

Acupuncture

I've been really grumpy of late. It's all due to this stupid sprained shoulder that I woke up with last Saturday. It began with a stiff neck. I went for a massage but was unfortunate enough to get some junior person. That evening, the pain started. It was so bad that I had to keep my arms in the air for relief; looking like a ballerina in front of my boss the whole evening while we were at a colleague's house warming.

Then for 3 solid days I kept waking up at 4.55 am. Don't ask me why that time. That added to my grumpiness.

On Monday I went to see a chinese doctor hoping that they could crack my bones back in place. It felt like something was pressing on a nerve. That didn't really work. All I got was a tuina massage and some chinese medicine. When I couldn't sleep again on Monday night, I decided enough was enough and went to see a Western doctor, who as expected, gave me some painkillers and anti inflammatory medicine, and sent me for an Xray.

I thought about seeing the chiropractor as the pain was getting quite unbearable, but they didn't want to see me until I got the results of my Xray back; fearing that it was a bone injury.

All that talk of a bone injury got me a little nervous; but on Friday the xray came back and there was nothing wrong with my neck bones.

But by then my thumb began to show numbness, which over the course of the week began to spread to the rest of my right arm. Something is definitely pressing on a nerve somewhere.

The western doctor has packed me off to see an orthopaedic surgeon for consultation, but that's not happening until early November. Meanwhile I'm suffering from pain every night and my whole gym routine has been fucked, leading to a 2 kg weight gain.

At choir yesterday I saw Sam limping in with an injured ankle. Seems she went to a chinese sinseh and had some acupuncture done. Shixuan also said he went to this particular doctor when he twisted his ankle a while back and gave them good review.

With such glowing reviews and another night of pain on Saturday, I woke up bright and early to  go see the doctor,  at this decrepit place called The Odeon, next to Katong Shopping Centre.

The queue was excruciatingly long; I waited some 2 hours while parked on a double yellow line. Fortunately no parking ticket there.

The highlight of the trip was two things.

First, my virgin acupuncture treatment. It's a strange sensation. As the needle goes in, you feel as if a pimple has been burst and all the pus is oozing out. I'm sure that was all blood, because I spied the dustbin and saw a lot of bloody tissue. Still, it didn't hurt very badly, and MAGICALLY, the pain is now completely gone. Apparently acupuncture can be used to release tension. Who knew that? Magic magic magic.

The second highlight was this really cute doctor. Ok well not cute in the conventional sense, but she had the cutest voice. My back was faced away when I first heard her in the background talking to another patient, and it sounded like it belonged to a really cute person. It had this very lazy but sexy chinese drawl, almost Taiwanese, and extends to both speaking in Mandarin and speaking in English. As a result the English sounds almost melodious, like how the HK ppl speak English.  I can't really describe how, except to imagine that it sounds like the sort of voice you would expect from a movie scene on a lazy Sunday morning when the actress is in bed wearing the protagonist's shirt, and eating strawberries and sipping champagne. The face is cute too, with cute little freckles.

I'm meant to go back in a couple of days for a follow up treatment. I really can't wait. I think I want to marry a TCM doctor.

All things Mac

The new Macs are out!!!! The Macbook is absolutely gorgeous I feel like buying one right now. As is the new 27" iMac!!! At only S$2388 it is a bargain! Makes my pure 24" iMac now look vastly outdated. =(

I bet Val is buying the 27" iMac.

I'll just have to be content with my order for the new Magic Mouse this morning.

Agony is

When you can't sleep properly for 2 days in a row.

When at 4.50 am in the morning, you awake because your shoulder is
killing you.

When you have to take painkillers to sleep.

I am in AGONY. HELP.

Empathy

Has my job changed me so much or have I always been this way? I feel
as if I've got a complete lack of empathy.

My colleague's had two miscarriages, the second worse than the first
and possibly could result in chemotherapy. Even if not, she has been
advised not to conceive for another year. Meanwhile, she's 31; tick
tock tick tock. What went through my head? "oh. Hrm. Ok. Oh well. "

And then this week my colleague's mum has relapsed into stage 4
cancer. The kind which is like...the end is imminent...and again I
thought: "oh. Hm. Ok tt's a bit sad and unfortunate."

Is this normal I wonder.

Wowweeee

This is what happens when you try to do work at 5 am in the morning:

"The security created by the Pao Kung bread shop...."

I am sunburnt from wakeboarding. GRR. WHY. I put on sunblock.

Boomz part II

I think Singaporeans tend to have a poor command of English in
general. I mean my wonderful secretary has written the following at
least 10 times to various people:

"Your speedy respond is most appreciated."

I cringe each time I see it.

And then there was that woman from WDA this morning in the lift.
Didn't know what she was talking about. It was half chinese and half
english.

It's not as if my secretary's chinese is very good either. I was
calling stupid HTC to describe the problems I'm having with my mobile
phone, and the Taiwanese or PRC guy on the other side didn't
understand me, so I passed the phone to my secretary to help describe
the problem. Her Chinese was probably only marginally better than
mine. Sigh

Updates

Its been a while.

In the course of a week I got smashed twice.

Once last Friday, when I decided after drinking a bottle of red wine
with a friend tt it was a good idea to start downing some vodka we
opened a bottle of Absolut and finished half of it while watching some
show I can't really remember but which stars Angelina Jolie and was
about assassins. I didn't make it home that night.

Then two days ago we had a presentation to attend. At 7 pm the tremors
started and an order to evacuate the building given. Except instead of
evacuating me n my roommate went back up to the presentation floor to
drink up what was left. I had about 8 glasses at least.

Then we decided it was a good idea to take advantage on the Champagne
promotion at New Asia Bar. We grabbed two other colleagues and went
there where between the 4 of us we polished off another 3 bottles of
Champagne. The idea was to pick up ang moh chicks but we didn't see
any pretty ones.

Apparently my colleague found me sleeping in the toilet.

And I lost my phone. Why couldn't I have lost my office blackberry instead.

GRRRRR.

What a decadent week. My brain cells are really trying to recover.
I've pledged not to get smashed again. That is, until Xmas. We'll
see.

BOOMZ

It really cracked me up to watch the clip of Ms. Singapore on youtube.

Some of the gems:

Right now I'm studying...STEEL"

"If I'm feeling naughty I'll wear something RAT...and LOUD...a piece
of bigini and jeans"

"It's about me. Something you know? BOOMZ"

"You can paid the leopard preens with you know, duck jeans"

"I lurf Leopard Preens"

How I Met Your Mother

I've been spending all my time in Brisbane watching this. Barney
really cracks me up. My favourite scene is him singing Xmas carols
about banging Ted's sister:

(To the tune of jingle bells)
Pulling down her pants
Yanking off my own
Underneath the mistletoe
I'll make your sister moan, oh!
Heather-san, Heather-san
We'll go all the way

(To the tune of We wish you a merry christmas)
I wish I could see her naked. X3
And down on all fours

(To the tune of Hannukah - dreydle dreydle dreydle)
Ted has a little sister
Gets hotter everyday
And if I ever meet her
With her boobies I will play!

(Everybody now!)

Sister sister sister.....

Gosh he's so cool!

I am slowly but surely turning into a roast suckling pig.

Mostly I rot around in Brisbane (How I Met Your Mother rocks! I'm on season 3 - Robin is damn hot), but then on occassion I step out of the house and melt beneath the strong sun.

I don't have any sunblock, so I'm turning black day by day.

Visited Gold Coast today. It kinda sucks. It's all tacky, kinda like a cooler version of Phuket, without the idyllic beaches. I wonder what Monte Carlo, Monaco or Cote D'Azur is like.

Domestic God

How have I spent my wonderful holiday thus far in Brisbane?

Pretty much rotting around.

Today, I cleaned the toilets, and baked muffins.

I am the Domestic God.

Sometimes I wonder, whether there is just one person out there that
I'm meant to be with, or if the universe offers a plethora of
opportunities.

I feel like I'm living in a farm. 10 pm and everyone's like sleeping.
6.40 am my mom wakes me up to go to the market.

And then the rest of the day they do gardening and visit the hardware
store for plants, rakes, hoes and shelves. I just blank out at the
hardware store.

Brisbane's boring as fuck.

And you know what I miss most?

THUNDER TEA RICE.

Getting a little demoralised at voice class because I don't seem to have improved. Sigh.

Liposuction

I've been receiving comments from e eryone (friends, family, clients)
saying that I've lost weight. Isn't that great. Liposuction really is
the way to go.

iPhone

I'm doomed. my boss asked me to help her set up her iPhone.

And now that I've played with it, I want one.

More facebook ads

Sigh - today' ad on Facebook. Is it trying to tell me something.

 

Home Fat Reduction System

Melt your body fat and reduce the appearance of Cellulite with no discomfort using breakthrough technology! Risk-free trial HK$2,963.61

 

Snow Leopard

Is it just me or is the Snow Leopard on the cover of Mac's new OS
incredibly cute???

Misbehaviour

It seems I misbehaved at a certain birthday party, for which I
apologize; I didn't mean to pass off as some cheekopek; certainly no
ill intentions were formed nor intended.

The Fridge

What's do I have in my fridges, we askes.

Is it tasty, nutritious food?

Is it eggs, pasta butter and bread?

No. My fridge is filled with these excesses which is threatening to
bankrupt me slowly but surely.

And I don't know why this appears on my facebook; advertising some
hair removal product.

The picture is so incredibly cheesy.

This picture cracks me up everytime I see it.

Politics

"Politics in the workplace are for parasites." Thus quip-peth the
Boss, who continues to surprise and impress me even after working here
for 5 years.

I always hear of people who have stupid "manager"-type bosses who do
nothing but pontificate, play politics, and "manage" rather than
contribute to the bottom line. It must suck working for such
personalities. I'm therefore extremely fortunate to be working in a
place that's largely politics-free, with a boss who's extremely
supportive and who still gets down and dirty into the income
generating work.

As for the Devil Wears Prada / Miranda Priestley persona, well we've
adapted to it, and it's cool because when you talk to other people,
the Devil sort of speaks through you as well (by reputation), and you
don't get bullied as much. I'm sure it's one of the reasons why I
always get what I want / need from the IT / Finance department. Other
teams I think give you more respect. As for third parties, I think it
must count for something if you've been able to work for someone with
such a strong personality for so long. It's like graduating from one
of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants.

If I could pick up but a third of her people skills, I'm sure I'd be
some superstar. I don't know how she does it -- it's like playing
chess -- everything that comes out of her mouth has been considered at
least 10 steps in advance -- how the counterparty would react / feel;
what the counterparty would in turn tell other people; the impression
that is created on the counterparty, whether in the long term the
relationship with the counterparty would be fruitful etc etc....it's
mind boggling. In the words of the boss: "I never let slip something
which I don't intend to let slip. I know exactly where that
information will go to, and who will spread it."

It must be so incredibly taxing to be analysing all the time. I
certainly get a headache from doing it; and just lapse into my usual
tactless self in the weekends.

My colleague says it's a women-thing; 'cos women are brought up to be
analysing words and body postures. It's what makes them the paranoid
persons they are when they ask a simple question like "Am I fat?" --
your response could determine their mood for the next week.

Aiyah. I just want to be a village simpleton.

Brisbane

I'm off to Brisbane on 4 Sept for 2 weeks!!!

Twitter

So I really don't get Twitter.

All I see are there one liners -- how do I see what people are saying
to each other in the form of a chat? The one liners make no head or
tail.

Forms

I f-ing hate filling them. I'm looking at my PR form and wanting to
murder someone.

Left-right politics

I've often been confused by the terms "Left-Wing" and "Right-Wing"
politics. To me the terms make absolutely no sense. Why is something
"Left" and something "Right"? The terminology itself doesn't help
anything.

Looking on Wikipedia, the source of all information which will one day
rule us all, didn't really help much.

It seems that the reason for it is historical, going back to the way
French officials sat themselves back in the days before the Kings got
their heads chopped off in Bastille.

In the US, Left refers to the Democrats, while Right refers to the
Republicans.

Neither of these make any sense to a person who has no interest in
politics or familiarity with the background of the countries in
question.

Another definition is that Left is pro-movement in society, and Right
is pro-status quo. But then that means that what's Left and what's
Right depends on the country and two people talking have no common
ground to start from. How confusing is that.

Then I look further down the entry, which lists typical traits of Left
and Right politics.

I fall in neither category.

And then I realise I couldn't care less.

I subscribe to the politics of the self. Whatever suits my self
interests is the best form of politics.

So yes, it's great that people want more welfare for the weak and
disadvantaged, as long as you're not taxing me at 50%. That makes me
neither Left nor Right. I firmly believe in the free market, which
makes me Right. But I generally don't believe in censorship, which in
my mind is a tool meant for weak-willed individuals with no ability
for self thought, and makes one weak-minded, and presumes that someone
out there knows what's better for me, which I find offensive. That
makes me Left.

So I'm selfish.

This leads on to the broader question: why should I care about
politics? Is it relevant in modern society? In the old days where
social mobility was limited, perhaps; because it was in your self
interest to create a society that you would want to live in. But in
modern society, human capital is so mobile. If I don't like what's
happening around me, I move. I've kept my Malaysian citizenship as it
generally has no restrictions on where I can go and what I can do, nor
does it come tagged with any liabilities like National Service. But
yet I stay in Singapore, where it's convenient and I can be in free
pursuit of money and my personal interests.

Would I move if the status quo were changed? In all probability.

Politics of the self -- a government's biggest nightmare.

Bodypump

I totally love standing behind hot girls in bodypump. Their outfits
are almost pornographic.

The enjoyment lasts until they pick up more weights than me and give
me that once-over with a hint of derision.

I was trying to see the instructor from the back of the class beyond
this girl, but she must have thought I was ogling. Or maybe she
thought I was cute. I don't know. Our eyes crossed once.

Since 3/4 or more of the guys in the class (or for that matter, the
gym) are gay, there must be a pretty good chance of hooking up with
some girl at the gym. I wonder what people feel about being picked up
in the gym.

I suppose I'd be quite flattered if I were picked up at the gym.

Kena ranted at by my boss for half an hour for me to tell the other
team members off for their mistakes and to fire my secretary. FML.

Facebook

I seem to have stopped getting ads for "How to get a 6-pack".

The latest series of ads relates to hair removal for men, with
pictures of some hairless barechested man and some hot girl fawning
all over him.

Clicking on one of them, it seems from the testimonials that women
don't like hairy men.

The product promises pain free hair removal from S$39.99 plus shipping
and handling.

To me it looks like some hair remover for pets. You know, the type
where you brush the pet's fur and remove all the stray hairs to
prevent it from shedding.

I do hate to be treated like some charity basket case.

On the bright side, it meant that I got to go to my local wine shop
instead. This time round I happened to meet the CEO of the shop who
happened to be there and gave me her card. Coolbies. Maybe I'll meet
people who are passionate about Burgundies. Apparently there aren't
many of them around.

John Mark Ainsley

Is he even human? I stumbled upon his videos by accident. His runs are
absolute madness....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOE-uvE7W2w

Wine and Shoes

I think I'm starting to pick up a habit of collecting wine like how women collect shoes (except wine is of course a million times better.)

I walk past a shop. There's a sale of sorts, and I go in to check it out. Invariably I end up with a bottle. Or two. or three. Today it was one. And it's 100 bucks gone. Just like that. It's like a compulsion.

The thought process:

Me: "ooo I don't have one of these, I bet they're nice...it's similar to the other one I had the other day, but not quite the same. So I have to get this one. Plus there's 20% off, so I'm actually saving money."

Women: "ooo I don't have one of these, doesn't it look nice in blue. It looks similar to the pink one I have, but not quite the same. So I have to get this one. Plus there's 20% off, so I'm actually saving money."

Die.

And what do I do with it once I buy it:

Me: Put it in a cupboard. When I feel down I open the cupboard and admire all the labels thinking of the wonderful contents inside and how nice it would be to consume them. Can't bear to open the expensive ones in case I finish it all too soon and can't admire it anymore. Open cheap ones instead.

Women: Put it in a cupboard. When they feel down the open the cupboard and admire all the shoeboxes thinking of the wonderful shoes inside and how nice it would be to match it with dress A. Can't bear to wear the Ferragamo ones in case they get scuffed and can't be admired anymore. Wear Crocs instead.

I am obsessed. And going to go bankrupt soon I'm sure.

The Rich and the Powerful

I signed up for a new credit card recently, and the powers that be at
Citibank credit control for some strange reason saw it fit to increase
my existing credit limit by some 4.25 times.

At first I thought they added an extra zero by accident, but that
couldn't be right because then the limit would be too low. So I guess
it can't be a clerical error. Plus they sent me 2 confirmations.

My credit limit now exceeds what some people earn in a year. I could
walk into a budget car showroom and buy a car outright with my credit
card. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Absolutely nothing has changed between yesterday and today; my
finances haven't improved one bit. Yet for some inexplicable reason,
I've been walking around with a little bounce in my step. Strangely,
the mere fact that if I wanted to, I have access to that gigantic sum
of money on the basis of a tiny card that I have in my wallet
is...so....exhilarating. And powerful.

Perhaps it signifies a turning point in my career path / social
strata; that I have climbed the social ladder and reached the next
rung. A milestone of sorts that I've achieved through my own efforts.
I don't know.

My friends say that I should lower my limit, in case the card gets
stolen. But methinks I'm going to bask in my false sense of wealth and
power for a little while.

What was my first purchase with this symbol of wealth you ask? Well. I
paid for a taxi fare. Whoopie do. Classy indeed.

Is it weird that I'm a little excited by the arrival of the new Ikea
catalogue? I feel that their product design gets better each year. If
only we had more of these affordable furniture options in
Singapore.

Mongolia

My friend's egging me on to go to Mongolia.

With 13 days of leave to clear before the end of this year it does sound tempting.

And I hear Mongolia's rather pretty.

Discoveries in Penang

Was it new delicious forms of Char Kway Teow and Asam Laksa? No.

Was it a new tau sar peah shop? No.

I discovered:

1. That vodka doesn't have to taste like paint thinner!!! Nor does it have to give you hangovers. The trick is NOT to buy Absolut vodka, but to spend that bit more, and buy Belvedere. It is marvellous. At 40% alcohol I didn't even taste the alcohol. I always thought the burning sensation was caused by the high alcohol level. Now I know better. I must have finished at least half of the bottle that night, slept at 5 am, hardly drank any water, but woke up the next morning feeling only slightly lethargic! And the lethargy was due to me sleeping at 5 am.

I will never buy Absolut Vodka again! Or Smirnoff for that matter. It will always be Belvedere. Wonderful mixer. It is taste neutral, and removes sweetness from drinks.

2. Dunhill green tastes better than Viceroy menthol which in turn tastes better than Dunhill blue. And smoking makes you want to puke.

I was a little alarmed at the fact that the filter on my ciggies turned brown after smoking them. I imagine what it must be doing to my lungs and my teeth. Ben says that his ciggies in the morning are like coffee, but it sends caffeine straight to the head. I'm not sure it works the same way for me; or maybe I haven't mastered the art of inhaling. I think his teeth have turned slightly browner from when I last saw.

Marcus asked me to explain the joy of smoking. I don't really derive any, except that it intensifies the drunk feeling. It certainly doesn't have a calming effect for me; doesn't stop me from eating; nor does it give me any kick otherwise. Hence the complete lack of desire to smoke otherwise.

Plus I'm sure it's no good for the voice. Unless I'm a bass....

Sue Lynn just unzipped and dropped her pants in front of me. I don't
know if I'm meant to be turned on. I think she might just kill me on
reading this.

I hate Vista. Why is it so complicated? I'm trying to troubleshoot my mother's computer, but it asks so many stupid questions. Why can't it just plug and play.

Die Microsoft, die.

"I should buy shorter shorts for the squats"

"Don't buy them yet, you're going to lose weight and will need smaller ones."

That plus the fact that he eats realistic food (cai peng) for his
meals means that my new liposuction doctor has instantly won my
approval.

Spam mail - heh

Giggles...

From:Me

To: 'sulakfamily01@gmail.com' <sulakfamily01@gmail.com>
Sent: 
Subject: Re: From Mrs.Sulak

Dear Mrs Sulak,

Thank you for your email. Yes, please transfer all the money to me. I am now on the brink of bankruptcy having invested my life savings in failed and failing US banks, and your offer is as such very timely.

I am praying for your well being day and night with all my heart even though I am non-Christian and believe that the gods surround us in the plentiful coconut trees that grow with abundance in the wonderful tropics that is Singapore.

After recapitalising my finances, I shall ensure that all the balance money goes towards helping the less fortunate by planting coconut trees all over the island.

The trees will provide blessed shelter to all the unfortunate homeless elves and pixies that live in Singapore. They will congregate around the new gods that will grow from these coconut trees, and enhance the nightlife in Singapore by encouraging ritual dance around said coconut trees.

At the same time, the fruit of the gods; the elixir of life that is coconut juice, will feed and nourish we poor people, and all the future generations that will inherit this blessed land, thanks to your donation.

May you and your late husband, rest in blessed peace for your kind intentions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

----- Original Message -----
From: SulakFamily SulakFamily <susulak1@atlas.cz>
Sent: Thu Mar 05 19:36:29 2009
Subject: From Mrs.Sulak

From Mrs.Sulak

I am the above named person, now undergoing medical treatment. I was married to late Engr M.N Sulak who worked With the Embassy for Nine years.

We were married for eleven years without a child. My late husband Engr M.N Saluk died on the 24th of April 2006 after a brief illness that lasted for only four Days. I decided not to re-marry or get a Child outside my matrimonial home, because as a good Christian my religion is agents it says the Bible and I lived a happy and good Christian life with my late husband.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $22 Million (Twenty Two Million America Dollars) with one Finance house Presently in London.

I have been in the hospital for eight months suffering from cancer. The 1st surgery operation has been conducted and I still have the pains in me crying every day and night looking up to God to save cure me and save my life

Recently my Doctor told me that I may die any time any day because of my cancer sickness.

Having known my condition I decided to donate the $22 Million (Twenty Two Million America Dollars) my late husband deposited with a finance house in London to you a good organization that will utilize this fund very well by helping the less privilege. Like to the orphanages, Old people, homeless. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this Fund.

I want you to always pray for me as I have no life again says my doctor. It will be my please to receive your good response and I will contact or direct you to my late husband attorney that will help you to secure this $22 Million (Twenty Two Million America Dollars) and I want you to assure me that you will use this $22 Million (Twenty Two Million America Dollars) to help the less privilege .

Am waiting for your respond. Please your responding to this mail, email me at mrssulak@gmail.com

God bless you and your good family

Mrs. Sulak

mrssulak@gmail.com

How can my jeans size be 6 inches larger than this guy standing in
front of me on the bus. Wahlau. Note to self: do not buy Levi's if
fat.

Audi R8

There's an Audi R8 in my apartment parking. It is a beauuuutttt!

But I'm wondering which idiot is stupid enough to pay for a car which
costs half what the apartment costs.

Dammit I gained like 1.5 kg since Friday. It's all that eating over the weekend. NO MORE SUPPERS WITH CHORALE.

I imagine that getting into wine is like getting into a relationship. It demands constant attention. It could demand patience, like red Burgundy which gently improves each time you return to take a smell from the glass, and gets better with age. Or it could strong and powerful, drowning out your other senses, but rapidly deteriorates with age.

Even with two wines made from the same grape, it could taste completely different coming from two different parts of the world. Like how Chinese women are different in China, Malaysia, Singapore and London - the location and the surroundings matter, so too, does the wine change around the world. I tried a New Zealand Pinot Noir, but it could not match the complexity of the great French Pinot Noirs.

One never forgets the first time he fell in love with wine. For me I remember the exact moment -- in a little town called Beaune in the centre of France in a little shop called Caves des Cordeliers where for 7 euros we got to taste 5 different wines. The smell of the best Burgundy was so incredibly beautiful and overpowering that I was literally moved to tears, and decided there and then that yes, I LOVE this.

It was a defining moment -- in geek terms, it was as if one had changed the resolution on your monitor from 640 x 480 with 256 colours to 1920 x 1200 in 32 bit colour. The gamut of flavours suddenly widened, and what once tasted good to you now tastes ordinary, because you have tasted, or in my case, smelled, perfection.

I told my boss that it was a very enlightening trip, because I came to realise that it is for pleasures like this that I worked hard -- to be able to afford the good stuff. Why settle for mediocrity? And there is so much mediocrity out there.

Homecoming

We had our homecoming performance yesterday which in brief involved lots of waiting. That's fine 'cos we were checking out the various teachers. When we were in school I always thought teachers were some sort of superbeings, but hey some of them are probably younger than I am now.

Circle of Life was a blast. I anyhow blasted my opening line, prayed that it wouldn't crack, and got my prayers answered. How lucky.

VJ seems to be showing its age - 10 years ago I remember its toilets were in spotless condition, but yesterday I saw like stained tiles, and less than ideal conditions. Put it this way: I would probably hesitate a little crapping there.

The crowd also seemed to be rather sedate.

Still, if I never went to VJ I might have been stuck in some uppity RJ crowd.

Lesson 3. Lesson learnt: I suck big time.

Head swelling

Sometimes I'm so clever I impress even myself. And it's like a virtuous cycle - I feel clever and then I become even cleverer. In sports parlance (not that I would know better) you are in "the zone" where you work at your optimum. And today was one of those days.

How gratifying it is to have the other side personally call you to thank you for your brilliant and erudite emails and to tell you, for all of 10 mins on the phone, what a pleasure it is to work with you on the file.

My head is about to burst with pride. It's days like these that I look forward to.

Must. Stop. Farting. In. My. Office. It. Stinks.

Upmarket Peasantry

I'm utterly addicted to Thunder Tea Rice. I just can't get enough of it. I've eaten it for lunch, and I'm going to eat it for dinner again tonight.

I'm so addicted to it that I can now go for days without eating meat. Just thunder tea rice for lunch and dinner. It's so tasty.

Just on Tuesday, we decided to be upmarket about it, and dapao-ed Thunder Tea Rice back to the office, and opened a really tasty bottle of 2005 Chablis 1er Cru. Was a bit sceptical whether the flavours would match, but thought they matched very well. Even more surprisingly, that green soupy conconction also goes very well with a Chablis. Next - to try it with a Sauvignon Blanc.

What irony -- thunder tea rice is meant to be the food of peasants in the old days. To have it with a top class French wine -- surely the makers of TTR would turn in their graves.

My wine habit is turning into an obsession. Each time I drink a bottle, I buy two more, because: "oh that looks interesting I'll have one. Oh what about that? I wonder how different it tastes -- ok I'll take one too. Oh but then now I've got 2 whites and no reds; what if I want something tastier that doesn't need refridgeration? Oh is that nice? Oh ok let's take one of that. Oh but hmmm how does that compare with this one? Ok I'll buy this one as well."

This week alone, I polished off 2 bottles and bought 6 more. At this rate I'm going to run out of space, not to mention money. My credit card statement is going to be simply horrendous -- it was horrendous last month. I don't think I've ever spent so much money in a month. I'm going to need to cut up my cards soon.

It seems I'm being set up this Friday to meet someone in a "non-threatening environment". We are going karaoke-ing!

Think it'll be a drag and I hope not to get drunk. Also, I told them I'm leaving early 'cos I have to get up early on Saturday.

This is not how I imagined my life a-la Californication to turn out. Project Californication seems to be a bit of a failure at the moment.

Wow, my milk in the fridge tastes like durian-flavoured milk! Thanks to the two packets of durian sitting in my fridge.

Yummmm

Although durian flavoured coffee (due to the milk) for breakfast does seem a bit strange.

Maybe I could make a living out of this.

Gluttony

My colleagues and I decided that my car was severely underused; something easily solved by taking a trip to M'sia.

And so we did. Waking up at an ungodly hour of 7.30, I made my way up North to pick up my friend from Balastier, and then the second bunch from Woodlands, promptly getting lost on the way amidst the symmetry of the HDB blocks. It's like a maze.

We thought we got to the checkpoint bright and early (about 8.45 am), but it seems about 2000 other Singaporeans did too.

First order of the day was to get my Roti Canai fix, with char kway teow, wantan soup, wantan noodles and porridge on the side. That's enough to feed me for a day.

We then tried to find our way to Leisure Farm Resort, a housing estate primarily aimed at Singaporeans. There we met an "aunt" of my colleague, who immediately fed us beer despite our (weak) protests.

Then it was straight off to the durian plantation - a drive of some 35 km or so away.

After 10 kgs of durians, some rambutans, langsats, pulasans and mangosteens, we went to have beef noodles, a "light lunch".

Then we decided we needed some coffee and a massage, and drove another 50km to some JB shopping centre, where I got a 2 hour massage. The proper sort.

This was followed by a superb seafood dinner at some ridiculously cheap price.

By the time I got home it was like midnight.

Essentially 13 hours of nothing but eating, seeking out the next place to eat, eating some more, digesting, massage, and getting more to eat.

Oh. and filling cheap petrol.

I am so full i'm going to eat salad for a week.

Singing lessons

My latest pet project has been to start singing lessons. I've wanted to do this for a while, but have always relegated it to the bottom of my list, in part due to the cost involved. But I figure it's not very much money to spend on yourself on something you enjoy. Certainly better than say going for a massage at $100 or blowing $100 on sleazy karaoke.

Today was the second lesson, and I've got a kind enough sucker, uhm, friend, to pick me up for 2-hour sat morning lessons together.

Singing is a very personal thing for me, so it's like entrusting something very personal to someone else's hands. Here's my baby, please take care of it.

The lessons were somewhat of a humbling experience, and I realise that I've got really a lot to learn. I'm struggling with the high notes, while SX bloody soars up there. I feel like kicking him everytime we have to sing a G.

Or I just cheat and use falsetto, let SX cover me, and hope the teacher doesn't notice. URGH.

Still, I guess I'm learning new stuff, which is always good. Compared to the stagnancy in my choral singing, I suppose this is a refreshing turn.

I can't wait for next week's lesson.

I wonder if my French classes will be as exciting.

New Phone

I need a new phone. And I need it now.

I thought it was cool getting a red phone, but it seems not in the business world. I keep getting asked if it is "my phone" - i guess it's not a very "manly" colour.

They're even more surprised that I've also got a red car.

I guess that marks the end of my experiment with red. Honestly I couldn't care what colour these things are; just that when I bought my car the non-business friends said red was cool and would "spice up my life".

I guess I'm not in the right field of work to express creativity.

Now. To dig out my old HTC TouchPro Shit.

I can't wait for November when my contract is up and I'm due for an upgrade.

I need a new phone.

Is it very geeky that I get all excited over the fact that I upgraded the RAM on my iMac to 4 GB?

Strut

My colleague says I'm walking around as if I got raped by some bangla
workers on the way home to joo chiat. I can't help it, my thighs are
killing me.

Heh. Someone said I was a "prime catch" today. It's nice to know that
I'm an appreciating asset at 30. Wonder how long this will last.

I think I'm going to buy a new car at the end of this year. The Getz
doesn't quite suit my desired image. Going to test drive some European
cars this weekend.

Bodypump

My office roomie and I have decided to embark on a path to stud-dom, I guess he being closer to that than I. Nonetheless, as the saying goes, a journey of a thousand li begins with a single step.

And so it was that today we decided to head down to that disgusting gym in Raffles Place called California Fitness to attend Bodypump, whereupon the following things happened:

1. we were both late, thus attracting the attention of the entire class and the instructor, who asked if it was our first time and promptly moved us in front.

2. I use less weights than the ladies beside me (oh, the shame....)

3. I now cannot walk down stairs without assisting myself on the banister

4. I recalled why it was that I stopped going for this class 2 - 3 years ago.

Still, I think it was a decent workout, and both my roomie and I are semi inspired by the fact that he claims NC (who was in the same class as us) has got a 4-pack. Hrm.

I'm going to be absolutely knackered tomorrow. The road to perfection has never been so hard haha. Well, you can't fault me for trying.

Exciting new things

I'm starting voice class next week! I think.

And then there's French class in August.

How fun!

The house

So the maid came today and my house is sparkling clean. It's wonderful, I should've done this earlier. I shall try to reduce on my luxuries eg drinking, to fund my house cleaning.

But then I guess the 2 bottles of wine at $190 isn't helping. Sigh.

Tomorrow morning the aircon service man comes.

After that it's a matter of bloody getting my house finally into order.

Starting with getting rid of that damn dining table and that hideous sofa.

The Sack

I absolutely cannot stand people who take MCs on Mondays and Fridays. Half the time I'm guessing they're not even really sick. If I had it my way I'd say each MC on a Monday or Friday will be counted as half day's leave. However I don't think the regulations are on my side.

And then there are those who complain nonstop when you give them a bit of work, or give a black face. Attitude problem.

If I had it my way, I'd sack each, and, every, one, of them.

Breather

Finally had a bit of a breather this weekend as this shitty transaction which has consumed my entire week and caused me many 4 am nights finally finished on Friday.

My nails and hair seem to be growing at a phenomenal pace.

In any case, I'm quite proud of myself. Sitting here for 2 hours I have:

1. booked tickets to Penang in Aug with the Chorale people

2. booked tickets to KL for my friend's wedding, also in Aug

3. arranged for aircon service man to come service my aircon next saturday morning

4. finally called up a cleaning service to clean my house. I can't do it anymore

MRT

I realised it's been a long time since I took the MRT when I saw the
signage to "Joo Koon" and thought it was a mistake. When did Boon Lay
stop being a terminus?

Melting

I've been melting since I got back from London. I really hate the
weather here. Can't someone invent a personal aircon. I'm sure they'd
make a fortune.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Lion King

OMG why did I agree to do the melody for Lion King. It's way above
what normal men can sing....I should wear a lion mask on performance
day so that noone can recognise me in case I errrr crack.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

The mini-performance review went well notwithstanding my laziness.

"Compared to the rest of the staff here generally, and I don't mean to badmouth them, I'd rate you very highly. It's been a pleasure to work with you and were you to stay on I'd have absolutely no problems working with you."

Yay! I guess I ended on a high note.

Of course my stupid friend who was here 2 years ago promptly remarked: "well you only had *1* stellar review. Yours truly had the backing of ALL the bosses. And I didn't even blog about. *Roll eyes*".

Shut up you cow and let me bask in my moment of glory.

I can't believe I'm going home.

Jersey Boys

It was great - I'm a huge sucker for songs from the 50s to 70s - they've just got this really catchy feel about them.

Everytime I watch these musicals I feel so inspired to sing. When I watched We Will Rock You I was a Queen fan for a while. Then it was Wicked. And now Frankie Valli.

I'm going to really miss London. I can hardly believe that I'm going to be flying back to Singapore in less than 1 week! I'm going to be so sad.

"Date" no.2

Is slightly more interesting than the first one.

In the course of dinner she asks: "so why are you single? Very picky is it?"

And I bashfully give a noncomittal: "perhaps".

She might do a stint in Singapore next year and well, if our paths meet again I'd definitely seriously consider a more active stance.

There is the problem of an existing boyfriend, but well, that never stopped anyone has it.

We're meeting again tomorrow at some group function involving lots of alcohol which may very possibly end up with my parading my limited vocals to two people. When you've got it, flaunt it right?

Why couldn't I have been more bastardly? I WANT to be a bastard!

What wonderful reporting we have in the Straits Times. Among today's headlines is one titled: "Trolley thieves EXPOSED". Yes, with EXPOSED in caps.

If I didn't know better, I would've thought I was reading a tabloid paper. What place does this article have in a serious national paper? What will the international expatriate community think of Singaporeans reading this in the national paper?

For shame.

ROARRRRRRRR

And there he walks. With a spring in his step. "Why don't you come over to my apartment on Tuesday? I stay alone... {Twirls hair}

Sounds like a movie script doesn't it?

Feels good. ROARRRRRRRR

Signs read correctly. Well done me! Coffee, dinner, comedy club, invitation to pop by the house this week. Lives alone. Hmmm.

To new experiences

This is new. I don't think I've ever received a message out of the blue from a girl asking how I am and if I'm free to meet up. I rather like it!

Oh my god what have I done? This isn't the great cartoon I remember it to be!

The lines are so incredibly cheesy.

"Sword of Omens, come to my hands!
Ohhh, look, here it comes! It is a GOOD sword.
Yes, it is good."

"The mutants, they are scattered!
Only for a moment Snowman, they will be back!
Oh look, there they are!"

Thundercats, Ho!

Thundercats are on the move,
Thundercats are loose!
Feel the magic,
Hear the roar,
Thundercats are loose!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!
Thunder Thunder Thunder Thunder Cats!

This is like my all time favourite cartoon when I was young! And I was so pleased to see them on sale on Amazon at a BARGAIN of 14 pounds per season! The first set just arrived today!

Awesomeness....I never thought I'd be watching this again. This time over a nice glass of wine.

However, with the wisdom of age, the lines now really seem damn corny.

There are eyes everywhere

All of us (I hope) do certain things when you think no one's watching or observing. Be it picking your nose, farting, smelling your armpits or your socks to see if that foul smell emanates from you. Yes I've done all of that.

Once in a while, you get caught doing it, and you want to kill yourself from embarrassment.

One of my most embarrassing moments was in the office library a while ago (in Singapore) at 9 pm. Thinking that no loser would be using the library at an ungodly hour of 9 pm, I let a silent one rip. It was awful. Like rotten eggs. And the aircon was off, so the smell just sort of lingered.

Feeling very pleased with myself, I continued to do my research.

Barely 3 minutes later, these 2 junior collegues from another department came in. It's another one of those "deer caught in the headlight" situations. I quickly fanned the aisle with whatever book I could find, and sort of quietly skulked off, except that there was only one exit and I couldn't get past them.

So I skulked off to another aisle.

As luck would have it, they went to the same aisle.

And as the lovely smell wafted their way, they suddenly made suffocating noises, each telling the other what a bastard he was, but each denying the act. Of course they suddenly realised that they weren't alone in the room, and started giggling among themselves.

I grabbed my book and rushed out of the library.

I'm sure when I get promoted, they're going to look at my picture, circulating around the Internet, and say: "hey, that's the guy who farted in the library!". It'll become an urban legend.

While in the London circles, I'll be the soiled tissueman.

Life is truly awful.

Youtube

I've been spending the long weekend watching youtube of American Idol.

Strangely, I can't find video clips of the latest season on Youtube - copyright issues? Bah.

My favourite song of this season was Adam Lambert's rendition of Michael Jackson's Black or White. That was superb. And I'm not even a Michael Jackson fan!

There were crappy clips as well. I couldn't understand the fuss over Susan Boyle's second performance of Memory from Cats. It's awful. It started with wrong note, there's too much vibrato everywhere, and pitch issues throughout. Yet all the judges said that was "spectacular", "you really nailed that one" etc etc...but really, it didn't. I can understand that for her age and her background that was an admirable effort, but it's not what the show is about is it? It's about talent, and that was mediocrity. I can't for example see her being successful beyond the first album. I certainly wouldn't buy it.

Harrods

It's a pretentious, gaudy cesspool of fake Egyptian decor dressed up
to serve as a shrine for consumption by stupid tourists.

And I hate it.

Starting with the stupid policy that backpacks must be carried by
hand. What the fuck. Do you think this is a classroom? I don't
understand.

The products are shit too. And the layout - cluttered, over the top,
gaudy, distasteful, filled with American tourists who lap up all that
baroque goodness. It feels like it is set up by the nouveau riche
wishing they could be part of old class England. One of the gentlemen.

The home furniture section is filled with useless furniture that could
only fit in a place styled like the Versailles palace. A place
concerned with tellling everyone conceitedly that one has "arrived" in
society. Like PRC tourists who dress head to toe in mismatched clothes
but which have famous brand names stamped all over.

It is expensive no doubt. But yet for all that extravagance, it is not
in the least bit tasteful.

Because the door policy is so stupid, I refuse to spend a single cent
in the store.

They ought to take a page from Fortnum and Mason which is everything
Harrods is not. That store oozes with class and taste.

Singapore

Increasingly when people ask me where I'm from, I say Singapore by impulse. This worries me a little.

I suppose the statement is not incorrect. I'm 30 this year. I've spent 12 years in Singapore, 3.5 in UK and another 14.5 in Malaysia.

Considering that noone remembers what happened in the first few years of their lives, that means I've spent a longer time that I remember in Singapore than I have in Malaysia.

Yikes.

The 100m Sprinter

I must say sometimes I have the strangest dreams.

Last night I was a 100m sprinter. Strange I know. It so happens that I won GOLD for the qualifying round. In the finals there were 4 of us - my brother was one (he didn't look like my brother but for some reason) and then some weird Thai or Vietnamese dude and then some other faceless stranger.

AND I GOT SILVER! missing gold by 0.22 seconds (I remember the time board) to that Thai/Vietnamese sprinter.

And the stadium ROARED with excitement. At ME.

Haha, I never felt so famous.

Laptop

I don't understand why my laptop's hot air vent is at the bottom of the laptop. If you place the laptop, as the name suggests, on your lap, 40 deg hot air (or more, if you have a more powerful laptop) onto your lap, which is not comfortable.

And then if you put it between your legs, you're bound to get broiled meatballs.

SO WHY ON EARTH IS IT CALLED A LAPTOP?!?!!

Geez.

AI 2009

I hadn't even realised it was the finals last night until my colleague in Singapore insisted she must be on her way home to watch the finals and couldn't talk anymore.

Anyway I surfed some clips on Youtube today - gosh, that dude can really sing damn high! Like Cs Ds and Es effortlessly!

Wish I was as talented. I struggle on the notes one octave lower.

The family trip to Estonia

Inevitably I approach family trips with a bit of hesitation, because sometimes I feel as if I have to "babysit" my parents. What a reversal of roles:

 

"Have you got your passport?"

"Have you packed all your liquids in your hand luggage correctly?"

"Have you got your airport boarding pass?"

"Did you store your money in your money belt?"

"Have you got your camera and charger?"

"Can you check that you've got your passport again?"

 

I'm not sure when the parented became the parent. My sister thinks I'm paranoid and naggy. Hrm. I think it's a function of the job that I've become obsessed with making sure that all the logistics are sorted out. The mother's a bit disorganised and panicky while the father is lackadaisical about most things, thinking that 100 euros here and there will solve everything.

 

Ironically enough, having ensured that everyone's hand luggage was properly packed, I forgot to remove a bottle of water from my hand luggage and got searched. The stupid immigration officer then confiscated all the 20 or so ziplock bags that I took from the entrance to the airport (they are very useful!). Stupid woman.

 

Of course that then set of jokes the whole journey about how the "seasoned traveller" (aka me) wasn't that seasoned after all.

 

Then I have to check that we've all got enough money, giving them each an emergency stash of local money in case they get lost and need to take a taxi somewhere. (My sister seems to think that it's fine to go around everywhere with only 5 pounds or so in your pocket).

 

Our sleeping patterns are kind of different as well - the parents tend to wake up much earlier and my mum will have some compulsive urge in the morning to pack things which creates a lot of noise which irritates the hell out of me. Thank goodness for ear plugs.

 

While we are walking around the town, the mother will inevitably wander off somewhere on a fancy of her own taking pictures of this that and the other, while the father and sister will wander off somewhere ahead looking at other things, leaving me in the middle wondering where I should go. The mother will then get lost, and sulk when we find her. It's like taking care of kids really.

 

Anyway. Estonia. Not much to be said there. Lovely old town - very well preserved medieval architecture. But prices are shocking - approaching standards in Western Europe. Apparently the Finns from Helsinki frequently make weekend trips down and drive up the prices. We made a trip across to Helsinki as well, and there I was even more shocked by the prices - it's even higher than Norway. I had a plate of reindeer sausage and potato at a MARKET and it cost 10 euros.

 

I'm now back in the office. And I'm exhausted. I've told my colleagues that there's a high chance that I won't be travelling at the end of my stint here in London, which is in about 2.5 weeks' time. How quickly time flies and soon I'll be back in dreary old Singapore.

 

Will I be depressed? I'm not sure. Time will tell.

Twit

This ******* twit from my office is pissing me off. He has corrected
my draft at least 10 times and changes his mind each time I see him.
That's all fine, but for the fact that he makes these idiotic changes
to my sentence structure, which then renders the sentence gramatically
wrong.

Like, twice, he's changed my 'if it were inclined to do so" to "if it
was inclined to do so".

I'm really about to punch him.

Drinking

Seeing some pics on Facebook of Emma getting drunk reminds me of this shipbroking company's annual bash in Sentosa about a year back where the alcohol was free flow. I snuck 2 of my friends in and drank the night away. Each of us had:

 

1.      2 magharitas (or was it 3)

2.      15-18 shots of tequila lime or whisky shots

3.      1 or 2 beers

 

All was fine, 'cos we drank it pretty quickly in succession and we were talking nonsense. As I talked I could feel myself getting higher and higher. And then halfway I sort of just decided to turn my head, and puke on the sand, and then continue talking again, while sort of getting little specks of puke on my friend as I talked and sputtered.

 

There's a video recording of the night somewhere on one of my friends' handphones. Pretty annoyed with that since it's blackmail material. We're supposed to be model members of society. Hardly.

 

I was quite smashed the next day. Oh and we had Chorale. I think I croaked away at Chorale.

 

I haven't gotten that drunk in quite a while. It's not really very fun is it.

 

Next Thursday we have some group social event involving drinking (yay). The trick is to make sure you're braced against something solid, and not to talk too much because inevitably you start sprouting nonsense and slurring.

I am getting fat(ter). D@mn.

Nervous laughs

Must control the impulse to give fake laughs when nervous. I really don't fit in here.

I feel sick after eating 2 Krispy Kremes.

Replay of the Smile.

I keep replaying yesterday's encounter in the corridor over and over
again in my head.

What did he mean by the smile.

Did he mean:

"Hello you narcissistic poo lover"
"Hello you poo-smeared Asian"
"Hello you disgust me but in a funny, sad way, like Baldrick from Black Adder"
"Hello you disgusting sh!t inspector"

Have I mentioned that I'm mortified (still)?