Oink

I've been called a sexist pig today. Grrrr. I'm not wattttttttt

Ring Ring Part 3

Still no ring ring.

The suspense is killing me.

Hungry

I was introduced to David Lebovitz's website by Popartgirl and have been a faithful follower ever since. I've even tried to look for his book in the bookshop (Sweet Life in Paris), but it seems they don't stock it here except in Kinokuniya. Talk about a bad selection of books. What we need is an Amazon.com.sg. I'm sure they'd do a huge load of business.

What I really hate about the website is the fact that the writer eats, eats and eats like there's no tomorrow, and doesn't seem to get fat. I read it in the morning with my morning coffee, and just looking at the pictures makes me gain 2 kg. Worse of all it makes me HUNGRY just looking at all those pictures.

Right now, I've got a craving for some Champagne. At 9.45 am in the morning. Something is seriously wrong. Gagh.

Overeating. Groan.

I feel fucking ill, and in need of like colon cleansing or something.

This is my food log over the last 3 days.

Friday:
10 am: Wantan noodles, yong tau fu
3 pm: KFC
7 pm: BBQ Stingray, Hokkien noodles, Horfun, Char Kway Teow, Popiah,
Calamansi+sour plum juice
11 pm: 1 pint of Leffe Brune

Saturday:
10 am: Thosai
12 pm: Seafood lunch with bamboo clams, crabs, prawns, coconut flower
water
3 pm - 7 pm: zzzzzzzzzzz
8 pm: Claypot rice and soup
9 pm: Chicken satay

Sunday:
8.30 am: Wantan noodles; chee cheong fun
11 am: Durian
12.30 pm: Dim sum lunch
3.30 pm: nonya kuih, chicken curry puff

8pm: At home wanting to crawl into the toilet and puke. But yet stuff
face with more nonya kuih, and San Pellegrino sparkling water. As if
that would help lighten the last 3 days' intake.

Total calorie count: 1,234,646,273,723 calories.

I'm going on a diet, so help me god.

Cleverrrrr boy

Sometimes I'm so clever I shudder at my cleverness. It's like I'd
write an email or a memo. And then i'd get pleasure re-reading it 'cos
it's such a masterpiece. To me anyway.

This is so silly.

Ring Ring Part 2

Sigh. I'm waiting for that call. One more week. And if I don't get a call. I shall go jump off the building.

XXXXX - client!

We all hate difficult customers. I've had my fair share of them. But
of course the customer is almost always right, so you just grin and
bear it.

When the tables were recently, it was my turn to be the customer as I
refinanced my housing loan.

Ordinarily I'm rather uhm nice and docile, but I really hate people
calling me at work and wasting my time. So if you call me and you
don't know your stuff, you're likely to get a tongue lashing from me,
because not only am I paying you, you're wasting my time.

And gave it to this admin assistant I did.

It should therefore be no surprise that at the signing today, I saw an
internal file note on the cover. "Attn: Vivien...etcetc..." then at
the bottom, a note:

"XXXXX - client!"

Which I took to mean Bitch of a client. Haha maybe I should've kicked
up a fuss n asked for a discount. But I was more amused than
irritated, so I let it pass.

Rain

So according to Straits Times, this is the result of eating unsalted
chicken breasts and veges for 8 months with no salt or sugar, and 8-10
hours of exercise every day.

I say: give me my foie gras, steak and wine any day.

So is anyone actually going to watch Ninja Assassin?

And I really don't get why all the secretaries are gaga over Rain.

MRI

So the MRI shows that I have indeed got a slipped disk in my neck,
with the MRI quite clearly showing that it is pressing into my central
nerve, which accounts for the numbness in my thumb.

The bad news is that it results from a degeneration of the bone
structure in the neck, the cause of which is indeterminable, and
therefore it will never be "back to normal".

The good news is that (I) its quite common so nothing to fret about,
(ii) the slipped disk may "unslip" over time with traction and
acupuncture and the numbness is therefore treatable.

The whole episode makes you think how fragile the human body really
is, and how something so simple can cause so much discomfort and
injury. All I had was weakness in the arm, and already the slight loss
of control on a part of my body was enough to give rise to feelings of
frustration and powerlessness. How infinitely more frustrag it must be
for a person to be paralysed due to an accident. For a person who's
pretty much all his life been able to maintain control over his body
and his immediate surrounding, the experience is somewhat humbling I
must say.

Also on the bright side, the doctor said I was cute! Well sort of in a
roundabout way. In discussing treatment she said there's a lot of my
tension in the right side of my body, even in my cheek muscles. "See
the right side is a bit sunken, not like the left side which is you
know quite cute". OH MY GOD I think turned a deep shade of purple.

I have a gargantuan crush on my tcm doctor. I even examined her
medical degree certificate on the wall which contained her birthdate
and found out that we're the same age! She's born March 31, 1979.

I wonder if she's married, or has a boyfriend etcetc.
Maybe she's too busy to date (they work sats and suns). And is this
crush arising from the simple and well known fact that, being ill, I'm
in a position of vulnerability and that any potential "saviour" is
naturally attractive or compels attraction.

I can't wait for my next tcm session.

On some days I wake up and I feel like I want to be a Korean
superstar. Don't ask me why; I don't really know.

On another note, I must learn to control my foul temper and to let go
of things at work. I'm gonna turn into this nasty Incredible Sulk
soon. Were I only as well built. Right now it's more like Sumo Sulk.

MRI

So my MRI is scheduled in about an hour's time. I've got this probably
irrational fear that the machine might cause all the iron in my body
to leech out of my skin (or worse, my butt) with excruciating pain,
like that scene from XMen where Magneto escapes from his plastic
prison: "I sense that the iron levels in your blood is a little high
today....", and then the guy explodes and dies.

Or that the MRI may show that I've got a tumour in my neck pressing
against a nerve.

Oh my god I'm going nuts.

I'm too young to die!

The day beckons

The annual company D&D (except that it's lunch rather than dinner --
cost cutting) takes place in approx. 3 weeks from now. Promotions will
be announced then, so I should know really soon whether that fat
promotion is coming. It's stressing me out to no end. Here's hoping
for that call from the MD.

Ring ring.

An old classmate added me to facebook today. I hadn't seen him since
we left junior college so I was surprised to see his pictures show
that he's put on at least 10 kg.

When I first joined junior college I thought my class had a group of
rather outstanding people. Two represented Singapore in various
international maths and science competitions. Another was head of the
student counsel. And then there were various other people who stood
out in college. I thought that, compared to my old school, this was a
cohort that would go somewhere.

10 years later, I don't really see that. One's doing an MBA in MIT,
which I guess is an achievement, but many of the rest have sort of
just languished somewhere. Many have settled down, some with kids
already.

But who am I to define what "achievement" is right? To each his own I
suppose, and as long as one's happy, that should be perfectly ok and
nobody should have the right to tell you otherwise.

I'll always remember my Chemistry teacher who was extolling the
benefit of a local teaching scholarship. She was so pleased that she'd
just graduated and was guaranteed a job with a decent starting pay,
and that she'd just bought a HDB flat with her hubby. She'd tell us
that her flat had an aircon, and that on "hot days" she'd just turn on
the aircon and enjoy the cool air with her husband at home watching
movies. I remember the look of content.

Me? I want more out of my career; I'm not ready to settle, though I
guess that would be nice. Still, it does get a little lonely on some
weekends. I wonder what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm too eager to be
everyone's friend. I should just be a bad boy. Which incidentally, is
always what I've wanted to be. BUT WITH A FACE LIKE THIS, HOW TO BE A
BAD BOY???? I mostly look like a kid in McDonald's. Couldn't hurt a fly.

blargh

TCM part 2

2 - 3 weeks after the episode with the back pain, my thumb remains
numb. What worried me was that at my liposuction class, i seemed to
have lost some strength. It didn't strike me until Thursday when I
realised that my left arm was now stronger than my right!

It was truly frustrating and merit another trip to the TCM doctor.

This time I was attended by the brother of that sexy doctor with the
Taiwanese drawl. He sprouts a lot more Singlish. Boo.

Anyway I've been told that I'm likely to have had a slipped disk and
that it's pressing on my nerve which is what's causing the numbness.

What's more worrying is that they told me it's restricting the
bloodflow into my right arm, and that it's causing my muscles to
shrink!!!

That got me really upset since it means I'm wasting a few months of
liposuction work. And thus I immediately signed up for an MRI.

The f-ing MRI is going to cost me $722. I should quit my job and go
sell MRI machines I say.

Still, I need to get this fixed pronto. I can't have my right arm
shrivelling. As it is I've got some rashes on the back of my right arm
which I suspect is brought on by the damn slipped disk.

This is not a good month. My credit card bill is going to explode.
But I have to get this fixed pronto.

Rotten day

It's been a right rotten day today. Get screamed at by the client, I
scream back, nightmare about work last night, dreadful tedious file to
deal with etc etc, and on top of that I left my phone in the office.

The only bright highlight of the day was that I got my friend to drive
down all the way from ulu Tuas to meet me for dinner. I used my secret
weapon of persuasion: by offering to buy dinner. The vampiress could
never resist a free meal muahahhhaa...

Then again I'm probably equally vampiric.

And of course there was all that time taken to drive here from Tuas in
peak hour traffic.

But in my defence I'm the one having a rotten day!!!! So give me a
break. WHINE.....

Cardio

Last week marked my first ever run in probably all of 4 years or so. I
half thought I'd pass out from exhaustion. But I didn't. Yay.

I ran a turtle pace and reached 3 km in er all of 25 mins. Which means
that I'd fail my 2.4.

With these embarrassing statistics I increased the speed by 10% on the
next run, reaching 3.3 km in 25 mins.

Today is my third run, and I set the damn treadmill at 8km/h for all
of 30 mins. Which means I still fail my 2.4, but then ran 4 km. And
now I'm knackered.

My colleague yesterday who hadn't seen me in a while kept going on and
on about how much weight I'd lost. I really don't think I have; since
scales don't lie. But oh well if you say so. Maybe she thinks I'm hot
hurhur.

"Your time has come"

Thus speaketh the orthodontist after examining my teeth. after
peppering it with "oh at long last" and "finally"

Unfortunately the braces don't come off quite yet. I have an
appointment on 8 Dec in the morning (to take off the braces) and then
the afternoon (to fit the retainers).

I've waited so long, I guess what's another month?

Remind me not to eat onions for dinner. I'm farting all the way
through boat quay. If someone lights up a cigarette I'm sure I'd
trigger World War 3.

Excessiveness

I'd been meaning to blog about the events of last Friday at Skunk's
wedding dinner, but hadn't gotten round to it due to this that and the
other.

To cut the long story short, I (a) had too much to drink; (b) started
singing very loudly in public; (c) said to the poor waitress: "hey
bitch [or was it wench?], get me a glass of wine"; (d) outed my poor
friend; and (e) called another two female friends "bitch" and "slut"
respectively, albeit in jest.

In short, I have been an utter disgrace and embarrassment to all that
my job stands for -- decorum, reservation, dignity.

Oh Alcohol! Thou art evil beyond compare!

Still, it was a blast of an evening; if only all wedding dinners could
be like that.

It wasn't meant to be this way. I arrived late, at 7.45 and I blame it
all on Yen Ling who said "let's get drunk!" At the outset. At that
point it seemed like a good idea. Except she stopped at about 4
glasses whereas I must have had 15 or more.

Dinner proper started at 9 pm, by which time I already had too much to
drink on an empty stomach. Probably 6 glasses or more. And was best
buddies (or so I thought) with everyone on the table.

It wasn't enough that I was best buds with everyone there; I thought
that given my ahem magnetic personality it was incumbent upon me to to
also be best buds with people on OTHER tables, and so I started
chugging wine with GQ, an ex-chorale member (our relationship was
founded on alcohol I swear).

Things progressively got rowdier; my memory fades after the point I
had roast chicken, the 4th dish of the evening.

By then of course I was a roaring drunk and remember only very little.
I puked very gracefully into the toilet bowl, and had to be dragged
out by another friend.

Time passes very quickly when one is drunk. By midnight, when everyone
else was gone I was at my table demanding that I be served my yam
paste dessert. "Where is MY ORH NIIIII??????" I shouted. It had been
served more than an hour ago.

It seems I also demanded that everyone on the table give me their wine
glasses, and chugged all their leftovers (since the kitchen had none
left). That explains why I called the waitress an Ahem, and also
explains why I had red wine stains all over my shirt the next day when
I thought I'd only been drinking white.

I also broke two wine glasses, having underestimated my boar-ish brute
strength (roarrrr) and cut my finger in the process because I was
thinking how interesting these glass fragments were and wondering why
my thumb became the fascinating colour of bright red when I played
with the fragments.

I don't remember anything of the bride/groom speech, or any part of
the video montage (was there more than one?)

Chug chug chug. Like a machine. Or maybe more accurately, a wild bushfire.

There are videos of my misfeasance out there on someone's phone. I
told my friend to please delete them or my career will be in ruins.
God forbid that she should lose her phone and I become the next Edison
Chen (minus the raunchy bits and of course I have a *cough* better
physique *cough*).

I have been very bad. VERRRRY bad. And I think I'm repentent. And very
sorry. Really. I dun bluff you one.

Does anyone know what happens on the dental visit when they discover
the gaps between ur teeth hv closed? Do they make the retainer
straightaway and the braces come off on that visit? Or is it only the
visit after tt. If the latter then darn, braces aint coming off on
tues.

Priorities...

In my many years since working, nothing has ever managed to get me off my ass to go exercise.

 

Yesterday however I started (on top of my usual liposuction routine), my running and dieting program.

 

I've also bought an ipod shuffle so that I've got music when I go running. And a bunch of Nike clothes on Sunday.

 

This Sunday I'm going to go mountain biking. Or so I hope.

 

And then I've been super proactive about the rubber bands on my braces, changing them everyday, and doubling the amount of rubber bands I put on. Fingers crossed, the braces come off next Tuesday.

 

One may ask why I'm doing all this. Everyone suspects I've got some new squeeze or am after some new squeeze. Or that maybe I'm now very interested in maintaining good health.

 

The reason is far simpler and sillier. I'm almost embarrased to say.

 

If I get that promotion at the end of the year, my mugshot goes up on the company website. And god forbid that I should look fat and ugly in that photo.

 

Boy, have I got my priorities right...